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car seat headrest - will you please pass the milk please? lyrics

[spoken by will:]
“‘shortcuts’? yeah, the one with, um, uh, er, directed by altman and with tom waits, yeah. yeah, that’s a really good movie, yeah, uh, really powerful movie too, i mean, basically destroyed my relationship with my dad, um, ’cause, uh, he and- he and my mom were watching one night and i was there too, we’re all- we’re all watching it and um, um, it’s really long, it’s like three hours long, and it has this weird violent ending so after the credits started rolling, i was, like, just jokingly like, “what a bad ending,” but um, i mean obviously i was joking i wouldn’t have sat there for f-cking three hours if i had actually thought the movie was bad but i mean, my dad got all p-ssed. so, next time he started up a movie, um, i was in the room when, like, i had been reading when we started the movie, and he turned the lights off so i couldn’t read anymore, so i w- i put the book away and started watching the movie and it was ‘zabriskie point’ which, you know, i probably wanted to see that movie longer than he because it had this pink floyd soundtrack and they never released it on album or anything so, you know, i wanted to watch it for years. so, ten minutes he pauses it, and he turns to me and he says, he tells me he doesn’t want me to watch movies with him and my mom anymore and would i please leave the room and, you know, so i was just like, oh. okay. and i wal-walked out of the room, i mean, and i was just so p-ssed off and angry and hurt, and i mean, why, why the f-ck would he do that? i mean, like, he has- he has this teenage son, a teenager who likes the same movies that he does, and has a similar taste to him, i mean, he should be f-cking celebrating- he should be f-cking embracing that and instead he f-cking kicked me out of the room, so, i mean. it’s not that he didn’t want, like- ‘zabriskie point’, it has like a s-x scene and everything but its not like he actually cared about me not seeing that, and i, i know that he doesn’t care because the next day, he offered to let me- he offers to let me borrow it and- and watch it on my own, and i was like, thanks a f-cking lot. i really want to watch this movie by myself after you kicked me out last night. but, um, yeah, that’s basically, uh, when i started- or, when i just lost all respect for my dad. that and my, uh, seventeenth birthday party. well, it wasn’t a party, it was just me and my family, uh. uh, we were eating cake, you know, i’d opened presents and we’d had a nice birthday dinner, and we were just topping off the evening with some cake, and i was- i was fine, i was perfectly happy, and my sister, uh was talking to my mother, and she was imitating her boyfriend. my sister’s boyfriend. my sister was imitating her boyfriend, uh, talking with, like, a high-pitched voice, this high-pitched, you know, annoying voice, not that loudly, i mean, i wasn’t- i wasn’t paying attention, i was just eating my cake, i was fine, but my dad just interrupts her in the middle of it, and he says… oh, what did he say, he said, like, yap yap yap, i just wanna eat without hearing any of this shrieking, and, you know, just something incredibly rude like that. so, you know, my sister’s face fell, there was just this dead silence for like, minutes, everybody’s just, like, picking at their cake, n0body’s actually- everybody lost their appet-te now and then after a couple minutes my dad just walked out of the f-cking room and tosses his cake in the garbage. you know, f-cking ruined my birthday, so, um, uh, after that i didn’t really want anything to do with my father but, um. yeah, uh, ‘shortcuts’ is a really good movie, yeah, we should definitely see that some time.”

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