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caspar - thoughts( joyner lucas revenge remix) lyrics

called a simp, crying to sleep
want it end, want to stop crying
wanna move on, want some amends
wanted your heart, only were friends
wanted 4l, i was the problem
now i’m depressed, left on read
fake ass friends, now i’m alone
no one to talk to
no one to check on
no one to open to
no one to love
no one to hate
put on a smile constantly lie
all alone, i want to die
can’t even tell my wrongs from my rights
all i wanted was you on my side
complete strangers, i can’t comply
no matter how hard i try
i can’t move on
emotionally attached
i am the problem
can’t even unfollow
my emotions prevent it
i knew this would happen
i had it predicted
i don’t wanna end it
don’t wanna face it
i had a million outcomes and this is the one i get
i guess god is judging me
no i guess this is god’s punishing
know i’m at fault, this is me paying my actions
i know i’ve changed but in others eyes i’m still the same
i cannot change what you have imprinted
i am the only one to blame
this always happens
guess i was born this way
useless and reckless
destruction is what is left of anything i’m involved in
i break a tv, i break a door, i break some hearts, i break anything physically and mentally
this is why i can’t get anything done
this is why i don’t have anyone around me socially
this is why i can’t mature mentally
this is why i fail classes repeatedly
any grade, any year, i can’t get sh+t done right
always f+cking up this my life right?
gotta be judged
gotta be left
i am obnoxious
i am a f+ck up
i am mean
i am a simp
i am a loser
i am toxic
i am a poser
i am everything that describes negativity
meanwhile i’m blinded tryna spread positivity
in reality
n0body can stand me
n0body can help me
too busy getting left on read by my supposed real friends
can’t reach out to anybody
only thing holding me up is my mentality
losing my motivation, gradually
this is my thoughts, and i am filled with depression, toxicity and stupidity
any spot i pull up i’ll cause a scene
young and reckless with toxicity
depressed from my own stupidity
my own decisions, i regret stupendously
i am not a clown i am a circus
no i didn’t earn anything nor deserve it
i only deserve the karma that comes back from my actions, dammit i know it
cause i got did some dumb sh+t in my past and i wanna redo it
all of the dumb sh+t i’ve done in my life i wanna remove it
anything that’ll make me feel better know i’m bound to do it
cause making music and playing games
is what keeps me from doin it

i had some thoughts in my brain
multiple ones, the good, the bad, the ugly
spend my days reminiscing
i swear every time i talk about it i sound like i’m b+tchin’
like dammit i know the result but i just can’t f+ckin’ accept it
that’s why i keep distract myself with new texts i should send to you
cause deep in my mind and heart i don’t want it to end
i know you can sense
but just like you said
it doesn’t matter anymore does it?
guess i just can’t seem to move on from it
trust me i tried i just can’t do it
of course it was me that blew it
just like anything, i ruin it
made it worse for you, never knew it
so i apologize for being a d+ck
thought i was solvin’ it
i apologize for being toxic
thought i was being funny to you
i apologize for scaring you
anger issues, sh+ts in the past now
doesn’t matter the damage is done
sorry for making you be the one
being the victim when that wasn’t intentional
being a toxic d+ck is not in my principles
i wanted to be something special, something biblical
i really thought i was good, on my pinnacle
but in reality i guess i was cynical
born sinner that is my title, i’m pitiful
tryna change it around it a miracle
any spot i pull up i’ll cause a scene
young and reckless with toxicity
depressed from my own stupidity
my own decisions, i regret stupendously
i am not a clown i am a circus
no i didn’t earn anything nor deserve it
i only deserve the karma that comes back from my actions, dammit i know it
cause i got did some dumb sh+t in my past and i wanna redo it
all of the dumb sh+t i’ve done in my life i wanna remove it
anything that’ll make me feel better know i’m bound to do it
cause making music and playing games is what keeps me from doin it

the more the days pass by the more i regret it
don’t wanna get to a point where you don’t exist in my brain, not just the planet
sound like i’m obsessed, maybe i am
maybe i need to reword it
you were the best, you were realest, definitely didn’t deserve it
coming home just to pick up a call and tell you about it
pick up a pen and mic and write dumb sh+t while talking and laughin’
missing those days
missing those nights
can’t forget it
cause i know i’m depressed but i can’t suppress those memories, you know it
told you before tell you again i just wanna be friends
always look at me as the toxic guy, i totally get it
repeat the chorus, the hook again cause this is the end
i wanted to be something special, something biblical
i really thought i was good, on my pinnacle
but in reality i guess i was cynical
born sinner that is my title, i’m pitiful
tryna change it around it a miracle
really thought i was good on my pinnacle
born sinner that is my title i’m really f+cking pitiful
any spot i pull up i’ll cause a scene
young and reckless with toxicity
depressed from my own stupidity
my own decisions, i regret stupendously
i am not a clown i am a circus
no i didn’t earn anything nor deserve it
i only deserve the karma that comes back from my actions, dammit i know it
cause i got did some dumb sh+t in my past and i wanna redo it
all of the dumb sh+t i’ve done in my life i wanna remove it
anything that’ll make me feel better know i’m bound to do it
cause making music and playing games is what keeps me from doin’ it

- caspar lyrics

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