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catfish the musical - dating profile lyrics

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[jackson]
i’m friendly
like drinking
like riding my bike
allergic to gyms
i don’t know my own type
if we have connection and you no objection let’s go for a nandos with all of the spice

jackson cringes

i am looking for a girl
someone so unique
they can rock my world
i’m not looking for a fling
not a one night stand
but the real thing

someone local
and funny
and quirky and bright
with bant+ah and laughter
and i am their type
i know that i’ll spot her
she’ll love harry potter
we’ll fly for a nandos
accio the spice
you’re a wizard jackson

i am looking for a witch
one that i can catch
my golden snitch
if she’d only let me in
i’ll gryfin down her doors
and i’ll sly+the+rin
what does that even mean?

hey, i erm spotted you across the bar and you were so beautiful. not were it wasn’t like hey you were beautiful and now i’m here argh, get away. i was thinking maybe we could erm go out for a meal, like bread. i mean not just bread, they’ll be… meat

put the best down on paper
it’ll will work in your favour
just keep it cool be yourself mate
every guy gets his first date

i’m behind all my friends
and sure, i haven’t found the one or made a love connections yet
but soon they’ll see
everything comes up and it’s coming up for me

with someone silly, and pretty
and dainty with bite
but tasteful, and loyal
set my heart alight
if we have affection
and she makes acceptions
let’s go for a nandos
with all of the works
alright
lemon and herb

i am looking for a girl
someone so unique
they can rock my world
i’m not looking for a fling
not a one night stand
but the real thing

i am
looking for a girl
i’m not looking for a fling
not a one night stand
but the real thing
bio? fine
interests? devine
gender? ha + right… and go

[lad 1]
i’m gonna find a bird!

[lad 2 ]
someone to hold my beer, whilst i play fifa!

[lad 3]
someone to fold my dinner and cook my laundry… wait
[crying girl]
i just want someone
that kind of understands
that i am a person
really listens to my feelings
holds me close
for love and healing

[posh girl]
i’m dtf but not on mummy’s couch
it’s vintage b+tch but we can work it out

[weird girl]
i like puzzles!

[dramatic c+ckney girl]
i just feel like if we did this
you would only use me
i am not high maintenance
i only want to have a man
if i can’t have you
no one can

[posh girl]
mummy’s off to see her favourite child
swim in public pools? you’re bl++dy wild

[jackson]
yeah, let’s search again

[scottish library girl]
i like reading books

[s+xual girl]
i like 50 shades of grey

[jackson]
god no

[indian food lover]
i like eating sushi

[bewildered girl]
i don’t know what to say

[dog lover]
i live for my pug

[jackson]
another one?

[gym fanatic]
i live for the gym

[movie junky]
i live for tom hardy

[typical lad]
can i be your him?

[dog lover]
i’ll date you for your dog

[italian dog lover]
i’ll k!ll you for your dog

[emotional dog lover]
i cry when i see dogs

[lad 1 ]
what’s with them and dogs?

[all lads]
what’s with them and dogs?

[felicia]
hey, jackson, it’s felicia… lol!

[jackson]
yeah… no,bye felicia!

- catfish the musical lyrics

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