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central park cast - tosgano lyrics

it’s very rare that i have to recommend a tosgano
what’s a tosgano?
that’s my little acronym
what’s it stand for?
this one sucks, get a new one

you’ve got a dog, but the situation’s hairy
and by that, i mean naughty
and it’s getting pretty scary
it don’t act like a pet, no
this is a tosgano
let me spell it out for you
it’s t+o+s+g+a+n+o

this one sucks, get a new one
it sucks, it sucks so friggin’ much
it sucks so friggin’ much
this one sucks, get a new one
i can’t get rid of it fast enough
i can’t get rid of it fast enough

you don’t need a license to be a pet therapist, do you?
no, ma’am
so, under what circumstances would you recommend a tosgano?

is it like, is it like if it pees wherever it pleases? (eh)
won’t get a job and watches too much tv? (uh+uh)
what if it gives you a dumb, blank stare? (nope)
or flashes his lipstick out of nowhere?
that does suck, but it’s not enough
for a tosgano guarantee, an h+a+b is what you need
another acronym? (yes)
which stands for?
“hazardous antisocial behavior”
which means?
biting, but shampagne’s never bitten anyone, right? (hm)

this therapist’s breath is stinkin’
like a dirty dog, but it’s got me thinkin’
there’s a plan cooking in my helen melon, that could be fruitful
how to get rid of that sh+tzadoodle
all my dreams will come to pass
if i can get shampagne to bite bitsy’s ass

oh my god, my puppy’s growling at me
and it’s got me yellin’
who’s gonna save me? helen!

this one sucks, get a new one
it sucks, it sucks so friggin’ much
it sucks so friggin’ much
this one sucks, get a new one
i can’t get rid of it fast enough
i can’t get rid of it fast enough

why are you laughing?
is it because of my job?
yes, let’s say yes

- central park cast lyrics

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