cheryl frances-hoad - the ballad of harry holmes lyrics
i’ll tell you a tale of harry holmes
who fought in the first world war
who stared through a barbed wire window
at his mates dropping through death’s door
and said ‘all i want when i get through this
is a stroll, and a pint, and a kiss.’
this is the story of harry holmes
who sat in the mud and cried
as the bullets whizzed past his ear’ole
and he shrivelled up a bit inside;
and said ‘all i want when i get through this
is a stroll, and a pint, and a kiss.’
one night when the bombs were falling
he carried his mates through hell
the sky lit up like bonfire night
his head rang like a bell
he said ‘i told them if we get through
the first pint of bitter’s on you’
a general came from miles away
stuck a medal on harry’s chest
but because he wasn’t very bright
the pin went through his vest
and harry thought: ‘if we get through
the first pint of bitter’s on you. sir.’
i guess harry was a hero;
well, they all were and so was he
but in the stinking night he spoke to the dark
and whispered ‘don’t take me…’
he said ‘all i want when this war is done
is to sit by the sea in the yorkshire sun’
someone shouted ‘harry, it’s over!’
a bird sang in the silent sky
the men in the mud shook hands and thanked
summat that they didn’t die
and said ‘all we want now the war is done
is to sit by the sea in the yorkshire sun’
harry came home to bradford
and he gazed out from the train
glad to be back in god’s county
well, the bits he could see through the rain
and he said ‘all i want now i’m back here
is a stroll and a kiss and a pint of beer’
he came back to england to win the peace
picked up his painting brush
dragged his ladders through the yorkshire streets
‘tek yer time’ harry smiled, ‘no rush…’
he said ‘all i want now i’m back here
is a stroll and a kiss and a pint of beer.’
harry was a decorated soldier
awarded the military cross
now he decorated peoples’ houses
he was the worker and the boss
he said with a shrug and a cheeky grin
‘a medal’s just a gaudy lump of tin’
he fell in with harry ramsden
of chip shop fame, and so
harry said ‘hello harry
where’s that pub i used to know?’
harry said with a shrug and cheeky grin
‘a pub’s just a palace they keep beer in’
harry and harry: peas in a pod
one talked paint and one talked chips
but all the words ground to a halt
when the first pint p-ssed their lips
they sang ‘i say, this is the life
p-ss me a beer and find me a wife’
harry ramsden married quite late on
long after the flush of youth
but his wife didn’t like him drinking
so he swallowed the bitter truth
and sang ‘i say, that was the life
i’ll p-ss on the beer now i’ve a wife…’
harry h missed harry r
so he hit on a daring plot
said: buy a dog to walk each night
can she stop yer? she can not!
and the dog took ‘em both to the old crown inn
where they glugged strong ale and the odd neat gin
they drank and talked for many a day
with the dog sat by their side
harry r spoke of perfect batter
harry h spoke of gloss with pride
and the dog took ‘em both to the old crown inn
where they glugged strong ale and the odd neat gin
then harry r he p-ssed away
to the chip shop in the sky
harry h went to his funeral
and said ‘old lad, goodbye
‘i lived through ypres and life’s been good
but i shut my eyes and i’m slumped in’t mud.’
then ramsden’s widow took the dog
for an evening walk, and it
dragged her straight to the crown inn tap room
where her husband used to sit
‘i lived through ypres and life’s been good
but i shut my eyes and i’m slumped in’t mud.’
i’ve told you the tale of harry holmes
from the war to end all wars
to a quiet life with a paintbrush
and a medal in a chest of drawers
he said ‘you could say my life was small
but i faced lots of things and i beat them all’
harry was a hundred when he died
a century: caught and bowled
harry’s was a story like so many others
now harry’s tale’s been told
he said ‘you could say my life was small
but i faced lots of things and i beat them all…’
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