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chivalery - old ways lyrics

[verse]
yeah
drifting back into my old ways
i’m in pain
with my questions just left to hang
talking about my life makes me feel insane
people say they understand
but that’s what they all say
young mind already stained
demons engraved they name
feels like my life was preordained
for me to walk around endlessly hooked to a ball and chain
it’s in humane
i’m in vain
trying to figure out life and it’s ways
but i keep on going back to the old days
put a knife to my wrist when i was 16
im 19 and it’s still in the same place
always tryna refrain the dark thoughts from my membrane
i need some assist+ance
but whеn i ask i feel like i’m in last
struggling to get through the pack
stay in my own lanе, then the questions come and i’m no longer sane
back in the same mood when i made sessions
back then i got some suggestions
seek some help, get over this depression
i gotta confession to make
i’m back and i still feel the same
my emotions take over and make me learn some lessons
lord i need some directions cus
[chorus]
i’m drifting back into my old ways
i’m in pain, with all my questions just left to hang
drifting back
drifting back

[verse]
yeah
i don’t like to talk about my feelings
makes me feel vulnerable
it’s my turn at the meetings, maybe i should start speaking
but i just sit and hide in my hoodie while i feel mentally unstable
it’s crazy though
i don’t like to talk about passion
like it’s something i should be ashamed of
go around the room and they call my name
“i battle severe depression and i express it when i’m rappin’
i seem fine but i don’t really know what’s happenin’
ever since i lost my dad i’ve been saddening the room
i don’t know what to do
so i started talking with nikki to help me through.”
i know my family’s disappointed when they find out
but what’s the difference cus i’ll just drift back into a locked room and not come out
i’m slipping back to my old ways
hide away in my room for days
don’t come out for a week, not even to eat
i’m trying to beat this but i’m just to weak to break this daze
so i drift away to sleep, dreaming that i won’t wake up
[chorus]
i’m drifting back into my old ways
i’m in pain, with all my questions left to hang
drifting back
drifting back

[verse]
yeah
i’m wrestling with emotions i keep suppressing
then i’m repressing other things that i don’t really wanna talk about
my depression is progressing
another night i stare in the mirror and keep yelling
yeah
i keep stressing
is it really pracktikal or is it my mind being an..
everyday you wake up is a blessing
so why do i feel like i should keep resting?
so lord, i’ve been texting
why does it feeing like you’re not checking?
i have a couple questions
am i in need of a few more lessons?
why does it feel like i’m stuck in adolescence?
is my mind still manifesting?
my messages, are you not getting them?
i swear i hit send
see it’s pretty perplexing
cus i know i’m supposed to be careful where i’m trekking
careful where i’m stepping
but it’s in your waters that i’m testing
i need answers, i’m on my knees begging
please, tell me where’s my life heading?
am i running in the right direction?
why do i start sweating when someone mentions sessions?
last year was pretty hectic
so maybe that was my life lesson
now i’m supposed to sit here and just let my life lessen
[outro]
yeah
now i’m supposed to sit here and let my life lessen
life lessen

- chivalery lyrics

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