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chris gantry - hatred for feeney lyrics

come on, come on, come on, come on! all you studs and kiddies and crazy fillies and dudes you gather round here, sit down the old boy’s feet he’s gonna tell you the story of mr. feeney, one of the craziest way-gonnest people to come walking out of the fogs of those super crazy conscious places! n’listen:
jerusalem was teeming, and the air was full of gas
and the cars were backed up to the ol’ new jersey underp-ss!
i bought a hot dog, gulped it down – m’god, i’d gotten lean!
i’d just spent forty days and nights in a heavy desert scene
i turned in time to see a mob of bathrobes at me run
shouting, shaking fists of hatred, screaming, “get ‘im! he’s the one!”
well i got so scared i felt as though i had to use the john
so i ran to find the men’s room – all i found was some old barn
i thought it was a good place, it was empty as can be
when outta nowhere walks this billygoat, he was trimmin’ his goatee
he said “i bear the guilt and sins that man commits from fear
but it looks as though i’ve been reprieved – they’re using you this year!”
well again the crowd was coming, so i shots off like a fly
and i ducked inside a sideshow, putting on a quick disguise
i barely finished when the crowd came bursting through the door
and the barker said, “dig that one in the lotus on the floor!”
in charcoal on my forehead, i’d writ “the son of man”
and synthesized with ketchup bleeding feet and bleeding hands
i guess i’d fooled ’em for a while, ’cause they went outside at last
so i split and, feelin’ dirty, headed for a public bath
i shed my clothes, grabbed a towel, and dove into the steam
and i sat next to a stranger who knew he could bend to dream
“who do i have the pleasure?” i said, chirping like a bird
he said “judas arnold benedict iscariot the third”
well, i told him of my troubles and he said he had an in
“i’ll go talk to my friend pontio!” flashed his thirty dollar grin
so rushing out he soon returned with pontio in his force
he said “get your threads and mumble somethin’ nuts about a cross”
i said “judas, boy, is this the way you help a friend get loose!?”
he said something incoherent, he was speeding like a goose
well pontio took me in his chamber and he pumped me full of booze
and he lays it to me straight and says “you the king of the jews!”
i said “man, i’m just from dallas where i runs a laundromat
i’m on three months leave vacation and must soon be getting back”
well pontio washed his hands and said “nowhere will you go –
why, we booked you for this gig and must give the crowd a show!”
well they put me in a zoot suit with a hat made outta th-rns
and ronald reagan danced and p-ssed out hats and new years’ h-rns
and my mother ran up from behind and yelled that cl-ssic quip:
“you’ll be successful like your dad – just keep a stiff upper lip!”
so i stiffened up the both of them and said “you’re sure this will not fail?”
well just then someone spread my hands and hammered in the nails
why, the show got rave reviews and the promoters all got paid
it outdoes my fair lady, it runs every single day
and the laundromat went bankrupt and my ma’s become a shrew
she shacked up with this greek who owns a fleet of ships or two
and me, i say if you’re uptight don’t hit the public baths
why, you might find yourself inside there – i’m serious, don’t laugh!

- chris gantry lyrics

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