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ckl - 3 years lyrics

[instrumental: p.soul – marbles]

[intro]
yo
new track
ckl

[verse 1: ckl]
been 3 years of denial, 3 years of pain
3 years i been silent, 3 years tryin say
that im still attached to an ideal that never existed
but i can’t stop the feel towards a thing i never missed yeah
but my focus i fixed it on this girl created in my mind
keep sayin its time to get back on my grind
grind towards what, a goal ill never know
a verse that never flows, a river dry long ago
just a bed of sticks and stones that hurt me
inanimate and irrelevant but i can’t skrrt see cuz
im addicted to her face, im addicted to this dream
every night i see her there, but her man ill never be
and i know itll never work, but it keeps away the hurt

[verse 2: ckl]
call it a mechanism, a delusional machine
a person never born, but in my mind i always seen
a personality i created just to keep me wishin
plenty of fish in the sea, but i was never fishin
broken rod, infertile by choice, the tree ends here
lifetime supply fertilizer water, dont forget the fear
pretend its of commitment or of foreign things
say i want something real and avoid the flings
but im just avoiding whats really going on
i keep going on about never being wrong
but its a trick and it keeps away the treat
of living a life where i embrace reality
that im afraid to open up and get shut down
cuz deep down i know i won’t ever leave this town
safe place, t dot,its a simple ideal
period of my life where i can deny my feel
say that im real and the most authentic around
but i found out that im just blocking out all the sound
of myself telling me that its all just a lie
i wanna die, just to avoid my broken life
internal strife, small strides at a time
so that i dont get excited only left to sigh
desire to cry, but my face is dry, facial drought
this came about when i stopped going out
deny myself the opportunity for joy
grow my face hair out but inside im still a boy
freud would say that im fixated at a phase
and im still amazed that he knew about this maze

[verse 3: ckl]
hedges of defence and pledges of correct
im always on the fence, least resistance i select
the path i deem right is the path thats wrong
and i try to justify it by making it into a song
i mean what the f-ck else am i supposed to do
all i think about at night is a message to shoot
on facebook to her when she wants zero
to do with me, she denies i was ever here no
so its justified cuz she had no interest
just put in a situation where she had to say yes
i say its xenophobia, i say it was timing
but the truth comes out when i start this rhyming
cause i unravel my mind and discover the truth
that she was uncomfortable and to blame was you

[verse 4: ckl]
talking in third person like a high school essay
puppy love relationship, of course it was messy
kicked myself around like a ball on the ground
i still justify it cuz im stuck at 160 pound
15 month membership, but i only went a week
i’m staying weak, speak just to keep my personality meek
as one excuse of many so i can handle rejection
talk sh-t on others, but its just a projection
an image that doesnt exist, i build myself up to be like
fake it till you make it, but a lifetime’s too long right?
wrong and thats why i wanna hit the bong
hate the green but i like when my mind is on
other things, anything keeping me occupied
why i get fried, to tick away all the time
because they said that it would heal away all of my wounds
but thats been a lie ever since i left the womb

[verse 5: ckl]
because the days are getting shorter
and im crying bl–dy murder
but it dont relieve the pain
so i listen to that porter
to drown out the sad in a sea of voices
but then the mere existence of the noises
reminds me that im still alive
and have to deal with this sh-t till the day i die
just remember, its 60 more years till you can quit
retirement from life, but where are the benefits
so i light the cig and hope it goes by faster
neither quant-ty nor quality, just shorter laster
life starts off as a mold of plaster
you fill it over time and mine’s filled with ashes
a tray of regret, a trainwreck thats just my life
one poor decision at a time, just waiting for the scythe
d-mn

- ckl lyrics

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