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ckl - dead inside lyrics

[instrumental: doom & rza – books of war]

[intro]
listen to this beat man, on my mf doom sh-t right now
ckl

[verse 1]
headed towards rock bottom, landed 6 ft off the mark
started digging my own grave, been 20 years so far
thought i saw a light, a shine, when jenn was mine
but its clear now nothing in my life is gen-u-ine
so i f-cking think to myself that its really kind-
a sad that my social sk!lls will always be this bad
and that i take everything all too much for granted
i meant it, friends, family, time on this planet
i spent it, all of my time doing nothing useful
mid life crisis at 20, the f-ck is feeling youthful
just being truthful, life feels pointless as f-ck
is it derealization speaking or am i sh-t out of luck

i feel worthless, blame it on the add
poor addition to my life, thats already knee deep
in sh-t, i wanna quit, but thats selfish
i can’t help it, just how my brain works, this is h-llish
i can’t tell if, this is normal or if its just me
i’ve always been a piece of sh-t, but now i’m feeling crazy

[verse 2]
wish i had xannies, dissociating at night
been poppin addies daily for demotivated life
living with a flawed mind, i feel like i been
chemicals imbalanced like failing intro to chem
i feel condemned everyday as i wake up and breathe
as if life isn’t what they made it out to be
i can’t write bars, so i hit em when i hate me
i shoot the sh-t daily; talkin o.z and m.g
i feel empty

[verse 3]
survival of the fit
definitely dont remember signing up for this sh-t
god skipped the eulogy, just sent me out to mourn
royalty like queen, but wish id never been born at all
feelin so small in the whole universe
therapy from verse, but its just makin it worse
lifes a curse, know theres 7 bill in the world
in my eyes, theres no one out there, no grill, no girl, i mean
sometimes i feel like i dont value my friends
guess they are a means to what f-cking ends
for me, one forty three, i said it, didn’t feel real
cause to me, they’re a piece of meat with no depth and no feel, but it-

gives me peace of mind when i believe
that these f-cking women have no personality
maybe its all because of my social anxiety
that im illogical and use all these fallacies
always feelin correct with my flawed perspective
paradoxical thoughts but can’t interject it
i can’t respect it, but without these amphetamines
i dont have the means to leave all these screens-

all day, instead of doing something productive
f-ck this, not doing sh-t fore i kick the bucket
emotionally numb, this sh-t is so f-cking dumb
can’t even count the reasons to give a f-ck on my thumb
my mortality and existence just plague my mind
but i know in the end, no man can escape from time
so i write a rhyme to try alleviate my pain
only to forget that i have nothing left to gain

- ckl lyrics

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