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clayton jennings - dear anxiety lyrics

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i wake up, puddle of sweat i have

nightmares and i get back into bed it’s

like these voices just keep playing on

repeat in the back of my head and i

can’t get them to leave me alone thirty

years old but still hates being alone

when i’m home because that’s when the

voices get the loudest opening up like

this is a moment far from my proudest

but these demons keep pressing me i

swear they’re the fallas but i’ve grown

comfortable with their presence my

conscious is calloused my dreams are

their playground my thoughts are their

palace i try to evict them they return

with more anxiety is in an item you can

return at the store i was 10 the first

time i had a panic attack like a punch

to the stomach there’s the planning for

that and i didn’t tell anyone because i

was too scared about what they’d say and

i know deep down there was nothing they

could do to take it away

it was my fight to fight and my battle

to face i remember that house i grew up

and how those demons would rattle that

place i’d lay awake at night just

staring at the ceiling i’ve spent my

whole life trying to run from that

feeling that feeling to being lonely

that feel to be lost not feeling of

being sick when the lights turned off

now i feel to be in the pressed i feel

to be an anxious now filled of screaming

to god begging them to take this only to

get silence in return i’m laying in that

bed crying and i tossed and i turn and i

turn and i toss to this day the doctors

gave me medication the pastor said try i

tried both in the society still hasn’t

gone away so forgive me if i fantasize

not being gone today i’m an actor who

got really good at being on today but

when i turn off i go right back into the

shadows i’m gonna deepen now but i

started in the shadows and i might just

drown myself in these waves suburbian

how these homes rock raves everyone’s

coping with something ballooned and made

if they’re all too afraid and these kids

are glued alive to me what do i say if

i’m honest with them maybe they won’t

think highly of me everything they want

me to be is when i’m dying to be but

everything i really am is what i’m not

trying to be i want them to know that

they’re not learning their struggles i

wake up at tears and fall back asleep in

those puddles and i don’t think i’ll

ever get out of this valley i’m

terrified that all along god is tali

myself and if he has the number must be

astronomic my life was a joke and you

keep reading just past the comic because

every day you think that i am as far

from the truth i wish i could open up to

you and just let loose but my vocal

cords get tight when the devil pulls on

this loose and then i’m back to keeping

everything bottled up inside but he’s

not gonna keep me from pulled the

throttle back this time he’s not gonna

keep me trapped like this i can’t get

out of bed i was never made to act like

this i’m packing up my bags and he can’t

stop me from running fast like this i’m

not gonna be a slave to these voices for

a day i’m shoving the devil back for

every time that he lied to me

and i’m taking a bell to these demons

who whisper despair in my ear and i’ll

be knowing every nice hair stands and

stares when i’m near i’m moving forward

out of this slump

i took my bruises i took my lumps i fell

down but i got right back up so give me

a torch in this light

i’m setting fire to the devil and i’m

dousing these demons of gasoline look at

you now now you’re not laughing at me

now who’s the one who’s being tortured

and pokes now who’s the one closing

every door that i want now who’s the one

watching the other bird to the ground

don’t look away from me you better turn

back around i’m not done talking to you

now i’m watching your moves i’m on your

back and i’m stalking you too and when

you try to ruin some other kid’s life

i’ll be stopping you – you took 30 years

of my life and i can’t get that back you

told me that in my life

i nearly got k!lled for that you took me

down but i bounced right back i was lost

then i got found like that and

everything you told me i wasn’t someone

new told me i was and everything you

hated in me someone new told me he loves

and when you tried to k!ll me with

depression and anxiety he reached in in

place hope deep inside of me so i’m done

listening to you and letting you control

me i’m announcing it now that the devil

can’t hold me i’m walking away from the

old me and i’m demanding a refund on

every lies that you sold me you knew i’d

find a way out sooner or later and i

found my escape in the form of a savior

- clayton jennings lyrics

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