clayton jennings - dear anxiety lyrics
i wake up, puddle of sweat i have
nightmares and i get back into bed it’s
like these voices just keep playing on
repeat in the back of my head and i
can’t get them to leave me alone thirty
years old but still hates being alone
when i’m home because that’s when the
voices get the loudest opening up like
this is a moment far from my proudest
but these demons keep pressing me i
swear they’re the fallas but i’ve grown
comfortable with their presence my
conscious is calloused my dreams are
their playground my thoughts are their
palace i try to evict them they return
with more anxiety is in an item you can
return at the store i was 10 the first
time i had a panic attack like a punch
to the stomach there’s the planning for
that and i didn’t tell anyone because i
was too scared about what they’d say and
i know deep down there was nothing they
could do to take it away
it was my fight to fight and my battle
to face i remember that house i grew up
and how those demons would rattle that
place i’d lay awake at night just
staring at the ceiling i’ve spent my
whole life trying to run from that
feeling that feeling to being lonely
that feel to be lost not feeling of
being sick when the lights turned off
now i feel to be in the pressed i feel
to be an anxious now filled of screaming
to god begging them to take this only to
get silence in return i’m laying in that
bed crying and i tossed and i turn and i
turn and i toss to this day the doctors
gave me medication the pastor said try i
tried both in the society still hasn’t
gone away so forgive me if i fantasize
not being gone today i’m an actor who
got really good at being on today but
when i turn off i go right back into the
shadows i’m gonna deepen now but i
started in the shadows and i might just
drown myself in these waves suburbian
how these homes rock raves everyone’s
coping with something ballooned and made
if they’re all too afraid and these kids
are glued alive to me what do i say if
i’m honest with them maybe they won’t
think highly of me everything they want
me to be is when i’m dying to be but
everything i really am is what i’m not
trying to be i want them to know that
they’re not learning their struggles i
wake up at tears and fall back asleep in
those puddles and i don’t think i’ll
ever get out of this valley i’m
terrified that all along god is tali
myself and if he has the number must be
astronomic my life was a joke and you
keep reading just past the comic because
every day you think that i am as far
from the truth i wish i could open up to
you and just let loose but my vocal
cords get tight when the devil pulls on
this loose and then i’m back to keeping
everything bottled up inside but he’s
not gonna keep me from pulled the
throttle back this time he’s not gonna
keep me trapped like this i can’t get
out of bed i was never made to act like
this i’m packing up my bags and he can’t
stop me from running fast like this i’m
not gonna be a slave to these voices for
a day i’m shoving the devil back for
every time that he lied to me
and i’m taking a bell to these demons
who whisper despair in my ear and i’ll
be knowing every nice hair stands and
stares when i’m near i’m moving forward
out of this slump
i took my bruises i took my lumps i fell
down but i got right back up so give me
a torch in this light
i’m setting fire to the devil and i’m
dousing these demons of gasoline look at
you now now you’re not laughing at me
now who’s the one who’s being tortured
and pokes now who’s the one closing
every door that i want now who’s the one
watching the other bird to the ground
don’t look away from me you better turn
back around i’m not done talking to you
now i’m watching your moves i’m on your
back and i’m stalking you too and when
you try to ruin some other kid’s life
i’ll be stopping you – you took 30 years
of my life and i can’t get that back you
told me that in my life
i nearly got k!lled for that you took me
down but i bounced right back i was lost
then i got found like that and
everything you told me i wasn’t someone
new told me i was and everything you
hated in me someone new told me he loves
and when you tried to k!ll me with
depression and anxiety he reached in in
place hope deep inside of me so i’m done
listening to you and letting you control
me i’m announcing it now that the devil
can’t hold me i’m walking away from the
old me and i’m demanding a refund on
every lies that you sold me you knew i’d
find a way out sooner or later and i
found my escape in the form of a savior
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