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cone poem - evil fucking wizard lyrics

there’s an evil f+ckin wizard and he’s givin’ me some problems
‘cuz he’s turning all my chickens into stupid little rocks
so i’m climbing up his tower where he’s up there in the shower
and i’m punching evil wizard in his tiny little c+ck
he’s gonna pay for all my chickens when i punch his f+ckin’ d+ck in
and he’ll lose two generations of his evil wizard kids
then i’ll beat him with a hammer in his evil wizard manor
till he understands that he is just an evil wizard pig
i’m gonna shoot him with my handguns with+a both my hands in tandem
till he’s dead and all his blood is all across the f+ckin walls
then i’ll drag his lifelеss body down the stairs into the lobby
wherе i’ll pulverize his little f+ckin’ magic wizard b+lls
i’ll remind him what i’m here for when i take him to the pain store
and i buy him every single f+ckin’ item that is there
and once that i’m the victor i will take a little picture
and to pinterest boards the pretty little image i will share

evil! f+cking! wizard!
evil! f+cking! wizard!
evil! f+cking! wizard!
evil! f+cking! wizard!

now atop the evil tower and the wizard will not cower
so i take a massive jab at his tiny little d+ck
but the wizard he is ready and because his hands are steady
he can cast an evil fireball like a f+ckin pr+ck
so i grab my trusty hammer and into his head i slam ‘er
and it brings about a really bad cerebral hemorrhage
he his shaken to his core and he topples to the floor
so i take advantage of this really awesome leverage
and i beat him till he’s dead and my hand are stained with red
now i’ve k!lled the f+ckin’ wizard like an evil f+ckin’ villain
then i put on his hat, i put on his robe
now i’m thinking to myself i think it’s time to do some k!llin’
so i fly into the town and i cast a fireball
and i k!ll so many people that the kingdom it does fall
then i fly back to my tower with my magic wizard power
and i m+st+rbate to wizard p+rn for forty f+ckin hours
evil! f+cking! wizard!
evil! f+cking! wizard!
evil! f+cking! wizard!
evil! f+cking! wizard!

there’s an angry f+ckin’ peasant and i’ve given him some issues
‘cuz i’ve turned all of his piggies into tiny little stones
and he’s marching up my castle like a little f+ckin’ assh0l+
so i’m gonna have to break all of his angry peasant bones
he wants to beat me with a shovel but we’re gonna have to tussle
and because that i’m a wizard i will surely f+cking win
‘cuz i’m gonna cast some spells that will send him straight to h+ll
like magic lightning to obliterate his brittle f+cking shins
but now he’s here and i’m not ready and he brought a sharp machete
and he’s lunging at me with a certain look upon his eye
so i try to dodge this f+cker but he fools me like a sucker
and he stabs in such a way i think that surely i will die
with my final dying breath i look on over to my left
and i see that f+cking peasant reaching for my wizard orb
and as he ponders it with wonder i realize my fatal blunder for the evil wizard cycle will repeat forevermore

evil! f+cking! wizard!
evil! f+cking! wizard!
evil! f+cking! wizard!
evil! f+cking! wizard!

- cone poem lyrics

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