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cone poem - wizard fistfight lyrics

ladies and gentlemen, please gather ’round
for the hottest, most boisterous event in town
two wizard of power engage in fight
but not one of magic, a test of might
no tomes or wands in this arena
their physical prowess they must subpoena
so place your bets, get a seat where you can
if you can’t find a chair, you’re welcome to stand
one will be a victor, the other a fool
but before we begin… the rules

no magic or lightning or firеball casting
no goddess appealing or clerical hеaling
no tomes or spells or powers akin
with all that said, now let’s begin

in this corner we have the legendary wiz
he’s fast on his feet, he’ll get all up in your biz
he’s got powers galore, which the maidens all adore
and he’s mastered all the magics, now he’s looking for more
he’s been mixing up his potions way high up in his tower
but he’s come down to the village to show off his superpower
brought the evil king to a terrible fate
so put your hands together for figletar the great

now over here, we’ve got gorlof the warlock
figletar’s face he says he’s going to clock
he’s tough on apprentices, but tougher on goblins
but for something more this wizard has been shoppin’
cuz with figletar he’s got company beef
of gorlof’s punches he says has disbelief
so they’re gonna work it out today in the ring
and we’ve set some time aside for the bard to sing
wizard fistfight, bereft of their powers
if they don’t settle this , they’re nothing but cowards
no goblin attack has prepared them for this
they cannot use their magic so they’re gonna use their fists
wizard fistfight, a battle of punches
it’s gonna be fierce, so hold onto your lunches
no mana or fire this time around
begin the first round

now is the time, the wizards begin
gorlof attempts a heavy blow to the chin
but figletar is ready so he parries the attack
and he punches his assailant right square in the back
now gorlof is p+ssed and he turns back around
and he pushes master figletar on down to the ground
defenseless is the wizard to the onslaught of punches
but for the warlock’s ankle he is reaching for and clutches

gorlof trips, he falls, but he hops up to his feet
but figletar’s behind him and he’s ready with a treat
a knuckle sandwich, directly to the mouth
then another painful blow much further to the south
gorlof cries out in pain but he’s not tapping out
he’s a badass wizard and he’s not gonna pout
he raises up his fist and the crowd looks on in awe
and he punches fearsome figletar directly in the jaw
he recovers and prepares, getting ready to attack
but before the wizard knows it gorlof takes another whack
now he’s bleeding and yelling and screaming out in pain
gorlof raises up his arms, as the victor he reigns
but wait, what’s this, figletar is fine
and he runs straight at gorlof and he pokes him in the eye
now he’s blinded, unable to detect figletar
who is winding up his fist and hitting gorlof like a car

wizard fistfight, no spells they cast
figletar or gorlof’s gonna beat the other’s ass
their magic careers have lead up to this
wizards getting angry and they’re punching with their fists
wizard fistfight, a battle for the ages
peasants came by to gamble all their monthly wages
a physical duel to find the power within
let us see who wins

the boys are battered and bruised and their bones are broken
but they’re not gonna stop until the winner’s name is spoken
gorlof is taunting, “you punch like a witch”
figletar responds, “at least i’m not a little b+tch”
the fans are cheering, it’s all on the line
but standing in the crowd, grand booloo the devine
the wisest wizard in all of the land
as the scene unfolds before him there was magic he had scanned
bravely, boldly, and calmly he approaches
and his former students start to cower like they’re roaches
the crowd is silent, as booloo calls
“magic doping!” giving everybody pause
he turns to gorlof and fig’, they’re looking like mites
and then he says to them, “watch how a real wizard fights”
a swift blow to the chest and figletar goes down
and gorlof shortly after with a blow to the crown

the crowd erupts, with cheers they roar
now booloo is the one that they all adore
magnificent is his beard in the wind
as the winner of the fist fight, it is booloo they have pinned
there are zero doubts that he’s the strongest in the land
as he smiles and he waves, the mystic wizard man
he soars away with his magical power
and he flies into the distance to his massive wizard tower

wizard fistfight, surprising twist
boloo the divine has beat the cowards with his fist
they didn’t use their wands, it was kind of hit or miss
n0body could have guessed that it would reach an end like this
wizard fistfight, incredible shame
the magic doping it was really kinda lame
the winner is booloo, his incredible might
what a badass fight

- cone poem lyrics

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