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connor the wolf - meditationstry1 lyrics

[verse 1]
7 am
why am i here
what have i done
resentment that forms
as demons come near
seems way too clear
whats the point of being here
every motherf-cking time i try something
i fail someone
i hurt those dearto me
i lose my tempo
i sing a song with no purpose
its like f-cking memento
’cause i seem to forget
my entire life
all i had to do was study, be polite
instead- i caused everybody suffering
middle cl-ss kid with no real things to deal
how the f-ck did i get my ending
so young so near
all these scars that you see
they’re the least i should get
for all those that i give to everybody
cause im so empty inside
i have to drag around everyone
im motherf-cking jekhyll and hyde and my hipocrisy
is likely the only thing that i never compromised
cause ever since i was a child i could never get
anybody to hear me out
make a friend, have someone
all alone
play pretend all is cool at home
when im getting my -ss beat for no reason i can’t lie
when my parents hate each other
get a f-cking divorce dad
and i can’t even look a girl in the eye
im so f-cking fat cause i eat my feelings with some fries on the side
and anxious all the time begging to be noticed by someone
f-cking childhood lonely day and night
and thanks for all the travels
i love you ma
but i think i would have prefered having you here than
never seeing you, working your -ss
at the office day and night
falling in debt so we could go to disneyland

[hook]
oh, and i know, and i know
on my soul, on my soul
i can find a way
will i be here today?

[verse 2]
yeah, ladies and gentleman this is the consciousness speaking
the body known as connor is in the back of a back seat
4 wheels, pedal to the metal, driver’s remorse: steel
riding to nothing hill
i thought i’d have the control
of choosing my faith
how i would go
part from my old ways into a different type of numbness
but it seems
instead of a he-rs- a suit and a letter
all they could find of me was my beatle’s cap in the last location
where they left me
that’s my city
i love it but god forgive me
i dont trust a motherf-cker
even if he has a bentley
and all i regret
i didn’t have the chance to
end this f-cking thing myself
advance several years later some updates:
im suicidal
i can’t figure out my ways my legs
are fill with scars and i ain’t drowning on bleach cause syrups got me covered for a bit
then i wake up, she’s still gone
my mother still got a crazy son
and her heart is still very close to explode but
maybe there’s something more, maybe there’s not
all i know is, if i dont save this children soon
they will be forgotten and long gone
and i know, through this kabata, there must be something more
at the point where i am now
close to death, manic-depressed
suicidal with no desire to make
any well of my health
in the perfect position to put it all in or die in the attempt
f-ck it, let’s see what we make
cause i feel a duty for my community and in an attempt to…

- connor the wolf lyrics

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