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cosmo jarvis – friday night lyrics

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[chorus]
this is what i do on a friday night
since they day that i was born they said i wasn’t quite right
i think i’ve got a heart but it’s ash inside
no i don’t do much on a f-cking friday night

[verse]
i lay awake in my crib, gargling away
unable to differentiate between night and day
i’m a giggling infant in la-la land
too small to be cute and too good to be bad
i wanna suck mum’s tits dry i’m so hungry
and if the milk tastes bad, i’ll bite her tits when she hugs me

every kiddy toy in my toy chest
another thing that has a b-tton that i’m supposed to press
and you expect me to learn, are you dreaming?
i shit my diaper all day and you’re still here cleaning
i have a cry and i get what i want
sing me a lullaby and if i don’t like it sing a different one
and when you take me into safeway
you know i’m 5 months old so of course i’ll behave

but i know, that when we go
to an isle where there’s something i like, i’ll throw a tantrum
and everyone will see
and you’ll but the d-mn toy in the d-mn trolley
and when we get home with my new buzz lightyear
i won’t even play with it once, it’ll sit here
i didn’t really want they toy, get this
just wanted to see you give in and buy it

7pm on a friday evening
mum and dad are going out and they’re leaving now
and i’m left with the babysitting cow
her breath is death, her voice is gruff
i think i’ll stab her soon, but now i’m just not old enough
in my crib, i sit all night
with a brand new set of imaginary knives
the babysitter sits and stares
at me all night stabbing teddy bears

[chorus]
this is what i do on a friday night
since they day that i was born they said i wasn’t quite right
i think i’ve got a heart but it’s ash inside
no i don’t do much on a f-cking friday night

[verse]
i tie up my shoes, and tie up my tie
another fun-filled week at school’s about to go vile
i walk down the hall to mrs. hughes’ cl-ss
with her steel drum -ss, she teaches me maths
during hers lessons, i drew impressions
of all my fellow students in the cl-ssroom dying
remember i should’ve been working
but mathematics is a subject far too trying

mrs. hughes stopped teaching suddenly
i couldn’t see, i was drawing
“boy, what’s that you’re scribbling there?” she barked
“do you find my lessons boring?”
she snatched my pile of appalling, putrid pictures from my table
each one labelled with the corresponding students name
and reasons why towards them i was hateful
on the back of every image was a detailed description
of why i picked him or her
and slightly below, there was a brief note
explaining the death shown in the picture

now i can see what you’re thinking mrs. hughes
as you’re flicking through my sketches
“i’m going to put this boy away
this boy can’t stay, this boy is wretched”
she put the pictures in her draw
i don’t need social services coming to my parents door
what a disaster, if that b-tch tells the f-cking headmaster
i’ll be seeing a team of child psychologists faster
than you can say murder-
wait, that’s the way
if she’s dead, she can’t talk
i love my brain!
friday night, i snuck out to see her
and i brought with me mum’s gardening shears

[chorus]
this is what i do on a friday night
since they day that i was born they said i wasn’t quite right
i think i’ve got a heart but it’s ash inside
no i don’t do much on a f-cking friday night

[verse]
for the mrs. hughes murder, i was never considered
guess no-one suspects a twelve-year-old k!ller
i’m a teenager now, my b-lls are much bigger
i got a girlfriend and f-ck and i lick her
i punch and i kick her
it’s friday but i wish that it would end quicker
i’m sitting in a fancy restaurant
full of fancy, human hard-ons
they’re looking at me eating croutons
and i’m with my lady, finished my plateful
but she’s not happy, she’s so ungrateful
doesn’t she know that the wage of a man my age is small?
but i’ll pay
the reason that she’s mad at me
is this morning i forgot our anniversary
so she yelled at me
and i broke her wrist accidentally
so now she’s only using half her cutlery
it’s funny watching her trying to scoop up peas
can i have the bill please?

walking by the river now two
nineteen-year-olds and a moonlit view
but she’s still pissed that her wrist won’t move
i don’t get girls, i did all i could do
between then and now to make it up to you
but it’s not good enough, i could’ve been painting
but i took you out to eat though it ain’t my thing
oh yeah now i’ve become an artiste
i’m kinda like pic-sso but i paint the deceased
and she’s still yelling at me
points at her wrist and says she’ll call the police
and i’m getting kinda angry
but i’m not gonna hit her on our anniversary
so instead i strangle ‘til i feel her collapse
and throw her body off a bridge with some weights attached

[chorus]
this is what i do on a friday night
since they day that i was born they said i wasn’t quite right
i think i’ve got a heart but it’s ash inside
no i don’t do much on a f-cking friday night

[verse]
man do i love the criminal investigation department
for sucking so bad, i still live in an apartment
and not behind bars in a prison
with the real psychos, ’cause i couldn’t live with ’em
forty-five and still living my life
painting my bodies, i paint them all night
got a gallery downstairs, i’m doing all right
just selling my art for a ridiculous price
i love just watching their faces adoring
my beautiful paintings, but this friday morning?
i got no customers calling
eleven o-seven, my shop should be crawling

finally, a woman who looks about the same age as me
walks in, but she doesn’t want art it seems
just walks past my pictures and looks at me
throws something on the counter
that i thought i’d seen the last of
a reminder of my past
of people in my old maths cl-ss
when i was twelve
who is this lady came through my door?
“these are my pictures from mrs. hughes draw
i k!lled her back 33 years!
who are you?” i said
“and where’d you get this?”
“i was in mrs. hughes cl-ss too back then
i had a little crush on you
i took your pictures from her draw when the lesson was through
’cause i thought you’d like me if i gave them back to you
and i came to your house, and your mum said you were sleeping
so i started to go home, but i saw you leaving
i followed you all the way to mrs. hughes place
and i watched you leave with blood on your face
and i’ve had these pictures for 33 years
and i know what you did with those gardening shears”

[chorus]
this is what i do on a friday night
since they day that i was born they said i wasn’t quite right
i think i’ve got a heart but it’s ash inside
no i don’t do much on a f-cking friday night
no i don’t do much on a f-cking friday night