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cosy sheridan - barbie lyrics

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dear mattel, i’m writing you this letter
i have some ideas on how to make barbie better
so in this envelope i have enclosed a list
on how to make barbie more like women who really exist

so let’s make a barbie who always has to pee
with a body succumbing to gravity
let’s give her some problems with water retention
and fantasies she will not mention

some facial hair and sensible shoes
and feet big enough she could really use
you built barbie a front end
that’s really quite impressive
but it’s hard to think of nursing
with something so aggressive

and while we’re on the subject
who could ever pretend
there’s anything natural
about barbie’s rear end

the kids are going to ask
sooner or later
so let’s give barbie her own vibrator
let’s be compassionate, let’s be realistic
whoever made ken was a little s+d+stic
dear mattel
you made barbie an impressive sight
but if those proportions were real
she couldn’t walk upright
she’d be crawling on her hands and knees
is it really so demanding
to want a role model who is capable of standing?

- cosy sheridan lyrics

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