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couch slut - the donkey lyrics

here’s what happened when my friends and i got fired from the
haunted waterpark

joe and lindsey dressed up like zombies
“get the f+ck out”
that’s what he sounded like back in those days
cuz he did drugs
the owner is chasing us now
cuz we stole things
we get out of there by running fast
back at their place we took drugs and decided to make a
stop+motion animation film

it was about this doll
and she’s having s+x with this other doll
but it starts to not go so well
so she’s cutting hеrself with razor blades

and we’rе like “we need blood for this”
so we’re pr+cking ourselves with needles
getting only little droplets
but it’s not nearly enough

joe gets up and disappears into the corner of the bas+m+nt
lindsey and i are quietly working on our shots
the man comes back to the center of the room and he says
“i’ve got the blood”
lindsey runs upstairs immediately now
screaming, crying
the man has sawed his arm to the bone
and he is bleeding all over the place
so the next day i’m going to see my friend greg in williamsport
who k!lled himself shortly after this, and i go out to my car
and i notice my trunk has a dent in it. and i’m like “hm, that’s
weird. that wasn’t here yesterday.” like, broken into. so i open
my trunk and the bl++dy dolls are in the trunk of the car
because i guess joe had walked over there in the night with his
f+cked up arm and bled all over these dolls and broke into my
car and left the dolls in the trunk. so i’m driving up to
williamsport and this man calls me on the phone and he’s like
“so lindsey and i broke up” and i’m like “uhh obviously” which
was also weird because they were both crazy and they were
together for i don’t know, 12 years, like since they were kids
and he’s like “and i told her that i’m in love with you” and i’m
like “joe, i’m not doing this right now” and he’s like “so i got
kicked out of the house” and i’m like “ok, well i’m driving
somewhere and i can’t be on the phone” and he’s like “well, i
decided that i would invite you to live in my grandfather’s shed
in nazareth” and i’m like “joe, are you out of your f+cking
mind? i’m not gonna live in a shed in your grandfather’s yard in
nazareth” and then he’s like “well if you don’t wanna do that
we can live under this bridge in newport.”

- couch slut lyrics

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