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counter productive - dirtbag dan vs. rone lyrics

[round 1: rone]
so, you know who loves dan’s battles? dan
you know who loves to talk about dan? dan
you know who dan’s favorite rapper is? dan
you know who makes the best meatb-lls in the world though?
my motherf-cking grandmom let’s go!
first off, i’m here to say, f-ck the dirtbag dan show you saucy little b-tch
i only watch, to watch caustic when he calls you on your sh-t
your ego, your self entitlement, everyone is tired of it
it got you here and this battle is gonna send you off into retirement
you’re inflated and delusional thinking you gon’ get this
you’re the least complex battler with the most complexes
you think your battle raps media, like you think you’re matt lauer
well i’ll take you out with 24 like i think i’m jack bauer
you can barely afford your studio, but the bro’s gotta try
what you think you a journalist just because you broke all the time
well you wanna set that standard well d-mn it you can’t pander
but danny ain’t dan rather, he’s closer to ann landers
well i hope fox hires you to cover battle rappers
i’ll run on set like a boat captain, it ain’t nothing to drop an anchor
see i’m the nicest on the road since jack kerouac
the biggest stud of the bunch since secretariat
with an old fashioned -ss whooping for your scary -ss
i do it right and them cheeks gon’ need a paragraph/pair of graph
you said, “fear the beard”, how’s that sh-t gonna move me?
that’s peach fuzz on a coochie
i’m from a city that’s full of soonies
that’s a mark’s beard
no…that’s karl marx’s beard, i’m certain
that’s john lennon’s if he was alive
or jim morrison’s if he was a virgin
that’s the bearded lady from the circus, plus freud in the same person
that’s uylsses grant, robert lee and william tec-mseh sherman
and it’s got me thinking…finally…danny is spending time with me
cause sh-t’s been different ever since ever since you started filming duck dynasty
well f-ck a dirtbag dan, i’ma glad bag dan
saran wrap dan and his rag tag clan
you’ll get zipped in your own f-cking backpack
dan, when they have to add a rip when they hashtag dan
you got my eyes like saucers and i’m salivating too
this a f-cking drawn weapon, you’re just an animated dude
an animal, verse the meal that he’s masticating through
i’ll turn the san jose stage into the san diego zoo

[round 1: dirtbag dan]
you know what rhymes with penn state?
been raped!
see fresco already broke down on his third round how you got caught up in that sandusky pedo case
but hearing him, accuse you of getting molested is like watching the pot calling the kettle “raped”
i mean, rone? fresco? what’s the difference?
both you b-tches are built like female russian gymnasts
i bet he didn’t press charges cause he wasn’t tripping
sh-t, i bet he got jealous of the other victims
of course you got raped with them feminine traits
old blimey would f-ck and we know she’s a lez
you got woody harrelson from white men can’t jump’s swag
and uno lavoz is your rosie perez
don’t be upset, but if you say you’re battling real deal in a week we won’t be impressed
just remember -sshole, who arranged for your travel
i don’t just headline these battles, i run thee events
i’m your boss today motherf-cker
since i hired you to drop flows
so it ain’t a gun reference if i say, “i’m firing the long nose”
get it? get it?
cause he got a long nose
i’ll put a hook in that sh-t like gonzos
i’ll put elbows on you like john jones
’til your face gets puffy like sean combs
it’s on rone
picture me out front of your parent’s house like lawn gnomes
me and the homies gonna wait patient
break in when your moms home and do her body good
that b-tch got a milk mustache and some strong bones
gang rape bars
what’s wrong rone?
you didn’t think was gonna get this real bwoy?
walking around this motherf-cker looking like pinocchio if he was a real boy
you f-ck with dan, it’s over
dan and/dannon yogurt, cause if i say “lunch”
the little homies will peel his cap
and send this p-ssy back to philly in a coffin painted teal and black
shark city b-tch!

[round 2: rone]
having penn state pedophile bars with that beard…there really isn’t hope for you
and stop eyeing me up like that dan, i’m way too old for you
yo, i’ll get dirt…dusted just for thinking that he’s relevant
everything i said i meant, compact dirt to sediment
embarr-ssment is inherent, something you can’t help
cause in the end dirt, you only soil yourself
so, you’re one of those, all about mma dudes
but really i can feel that
but where were those mma sk!lls at
when you were shirtless wrestling illmac’
with a couple of drunk moves, he started to crush you
your exact words were, “dude, i’m high on mushrooms”
play by play, illmac’ picked you up like you guys were in the ring
your legs were kicking in the air like a child on a swing
you got a foot on him
he plucked you like you’re lighter than a twig
then he slammed you through the bed, enough to drive you through the springs
he brought that triple a shovel out for ripping this fool
showed me the scoop on dirt, now i’m not digging this tool
but me? i’m slim thugging
having acid flashbacks to when i ripped rugged
no discussion, turn the hacksaw back on jim duggan
you’re personal life is as boring as the game on tim duncan
while my game in the golden state is smooth as a j on chris mullan
i got sosa on deck, and i’m popping corks like sammy
but you’re kinda different danny so you’d never make the family
seems like you kind of liked it when illmac’ made you his daddy
so dan plays both ways like devin hester at miami
but just cause you’re light in your loafers
it don’t mean that you got nimble feet
you incomplete, flimsy geek, you dirty little chimney sweep
you try to say you’re not g-y, but you got us in disbelief
cause you say it in crazy ways, like “i’m straighter than brittney’s teeth”
yo, f-cking…you always collapse into your opponents arms after battles
like y’all were some prize fighters
you try that sh-t with me, you must be high off a highlighter
sh-t, mad child kissed you after your battle, i was there and i saw it
but you didn’t even stop it, you just smiled at the camera and nodded
you had a sham wedding that was full of battle rappers
that’s as battle rap as it gets
that proves that you’re a lonely loser without a real life or any actual friends
but dan always wants to run to his f-cking bar so it hit me
i do the polite thing and answer, sh-t, even when i’m busy
do the, half listen-fake react to every line like, “filthy!”
so if you’re wondering who g-ssed dan up…guilty
and one more thing dan
ah, i was over at your house today like for a couple of hours
and to end the round off, just so you know ah, i jerked off in the shower

[round 2: dirtbag dan]
how y’all feeling rone so far
{cheers}
not me, i’m like “f-ck that b-tch”
his whole style is -ss cheeks no coco bar and the homie ate peanut f-ck that b-tch
c’mon man, ice-t eat your heart out
yo, check it look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look
did i say this motherf-cker looked like a bird yet?
no?
well you look like a f-cking bird, man
i bet his favorite rapper; birdman
his favorite superhero; birdman
his favorite pro skater is tony hawk who coincidentally goes by birdman
you’re for the birds man, that’s a bird’s beak, bird teeth, bird hands
his favorite basketball player; (larry bird)
birdman! of course cause he thinks that he looks like a bird too
if he gets sick, it’s the bird flu
i bet you sh-t white, like bird’s do
i’m ’bout to cook him right now, bird stew
i’m wolfgang puck, this my kitchen, i’m cooking birds, no pie flipping
watch this bird get battered, no fried chicken
b-b-b-b-bird, bird, bird, bird is the word
bird bars b-tch!
bird bars
got ’em by the flock like we flip rones instead of pigeons when cops drive the block
if i hear this eagle squawk, i’ma let the eagle talk
yeah, and it don’t stop, cause it’s 187 on an undercover hawk
b-b-b-b-bird, bird, bird, bird is the word
that’s where most people would stop, not me though i go tougher
cause if your mother was a swallow, then your father was throatf-cker
and if your mother’s human and she says she didn’t f-ck a bird
then don’t trust her cause rone suffers from having the same bone structure as the road runner
b-b-b-b-bird, bird, bird, bird is the word
bird bars b-tch, what the f-ck you know about it?

[round 3: rone]
so ah, imagine how a gangster feels when they hear a nerd talking some gun business
{girl giggles}
she liked it, i didn’t even get to the punchline, that’ beautiful
so ah, imagine how a gangster feels when they hear a nerd talking some gun business
well that’s exactly how i feel whenever you act like you f-ck b-tches
you are a p-ssy whipped family man
homemaker is your occupation
you would call your wife to apologize if a girl blew…your mind in a conversation
but, that’s just f-cking dan though
trying to fill a rap role, why you repping san jo’?
cause you always sans hoes?
you trying to p-ss on your family name with no kids of your own to help you
plus your wife called, she has something very impotent to tell you
but if you don’t have kids why you always at soccer practice?
flashing that short d-ck right out of a long jacket
with the polaroid snapping trying to capture all the actions
and he keeps all the pictures in a pedo-file cabinet
you’re into child p-rn dan
phones got a child p-rn app
you got a full beard, but your bas-m-nt has got a child p-rn stash
but you ain’t like dan like dangerous, so f-ck what this man implying
you dan like danish, or dance recital or dandelion
you think you could out rap me?
but that planning won’t work cause dan on wax is softer than dan/dannon yogurt
that fo’ squirt, wait wait wait, i ain’t bring a gun for him
i’m here to show your half mexican side that i’m half republican
so tell your girl, “me cargo es muy mucho grande largo”
you wanna start the mexican url
hwwwan juan demarco
yo, so, so you a worm for this battle, so what’s the deal rodman?
is we friends after this? is we still rocking?
you looking tired like a zanny if you pill popping
but if you tired in the clutch that’s a wheel/real problem
what i say? tire, clutch, like wheel problem?
like somebody cut my breaks but i’m still riding?
they wanna cool me off like say “chill on him”
but worm [?] i gotta go meek mill on him
light boy there’s levels to this sh-t
there’s levels to this sh-t
you had to buy up to mine so forever you a b-tch
my game on a plane that you never gonna get
so you want a piece of me, you have to settle for my fist
your man is clearly a queen, he isn’t scary to me
the biggest scam in battle rap since jon jon’s pyramid scheme
for real
you said i had b-lls coming to the zay
what is this guy r-t-rded?
we’re promo rap sparing, not balling at boston garden
you’re not frank lucas, you’re just a rapper that sucks
you got no pull, you go home to pull up pampers at lunch
picture him at christmas, dressed up as f-cking santa and such
or thanksgiving, unloading turkeys off the back of a truck
this isn’t your city dan, it’s just a spot that you chill in
you don’t run these streets, you just ran around in them as children
you go down, no problem, they gon’ find an easy fill in
so this ain’t your city dan, it’s just a spot you getting k!lled in!

[round 3: dirtbag dan]
even after all that sh-t
adam ain’t at all mean like them battle blogs seem
but they attract along an avid mob of adderall fiends
back when you were in college, you wrote them asher roth schemes
now it’s thrift shopping with macklemore for acid wash jeans
i heard him say in a battle, “my music is h-tting now”
really?!
your music is h-tting now?
you’re f-cking kidding pal
we’re both battling for recognition and i’m the only one of us that’s sticking out
i was on paid dues, cause i paid dues
i had to campaign to change views
people think battle rappers can’t make good music and it ain’t true
b-tch, i blame you
why you think your strange -ss music videos don’t sustain views
it’s like you’re trying to make the perfect soundtrack for white people to play crochet to
let me put it in golf terms so you know what i mean
cause that’s something that white people play too
when it comes to the game, you’re slow to the green
let a real professional play through
gold bars b-tch
got ’em back to back to this eagle under par, that’s a handicap
i’ma pull out the nine, tee off on his birdie
when i’m finished, put her back in caddy’s shack
holy sh-t, i said, “caddy shack”, putter, putter, handicap
100 bulletz is turning over in his grave right now
what the f-ck are you supposed to say after that?
that’s a wrap
you know what i’m talking about too
cause you said you used to play a few holes after track
scratch that!
you said you used to- your coach used to with your holes at the track
rape bars b-tch, now we’re back to that!
whoo! full circle baby, we’re coming back around
i know some cats from penn state and according to who i spoke to
if you get raped in the locker room there it means somebody “roned” you
be honest homie, that sh-t roned your life
even if you wanna act like nothing happened
we know i don’t mean up early when i say “sandusky was up in adam”/up ‘n at em”
rape bars b-tch, make some motherf-cking noise!

- counter productive lyrics

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