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craig of farrington - craig's not at the faire - parody lyrics

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my queen, i write this note
for to tell you of my plight

and at the time of writing, i am not a pretty sight
my body is all black and blue
my face a deadly grey
and i hope you’ll understand why craig’s not at the faire today

while working in the tower
some bricks i had to clear
to throw them down from off the top
seemed like a good idea

but the foreman, he would not agree
he’d be in an awful sod
he said i had to cart them down a ladder
in my hod

well, clearin’ all those bricks by hand
it seemed so very slow
i hoisted up a barrel
and secured a rope bеlow

but in my haste to do the job
i was too blind to see
that a barrel full of building bricks is
hеavier than me
so when i untied the knot
‘course the barrel fell like lead
and clingin’ tightly to the rope
i started up instead

i shot up like an arrow
and to my dismay i found
that halfway up
i met that bl++dy barrel comin’ down

well, the barrel broke my shoulder
as toward the ground it sped
and when i hit the top, i banged
the pulley with my head

still clingin’ to the rope in spite
of that immortal blow
while the barrel spilled out half its bricks
seven floors below

so i now outweighed the barrel
and i started down once more
it almost took my kneecap
when we met like once before

still clingin’ tightly to the rope
i headed to the ground
and i landed on the bricks
that now lay scattered all around
oh, as i lay there moaning
sure i thought i’d passed the worst
but when the barrel hit the top
’twas then its bottom burst

a shower of bricks rains down on me
i didn’t have a hope
and in the great confusion
i let go the bl++dy rope

so now the barrel’s free to fall
and startin’ down again
and landin’ right on top of me
and addin’ to my pain

it broke three ribs and my left arm, and
i can only say
that i hope you’ll understand
why craig’s not at the faire today

- craig of farrington lyrics

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