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crazy ex-girlfriend cast – jap battle [explicit] lyrics

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[audra]
this is real deep beef from way back in the past
deeper than i’ll put a foot up in the crack of your -ss
come on, let’s do this
your little pals can witness how vicious
this westchester alpha b-tch is

i’m straight up malicious, a verbal curb stomper
since we were toddlers i’ve studied every ch-nk in your armor
and between your folks’ divorce and that haircut on ya
i’m really not sure which one’s the bigger shondeh

[rebecca]
that means “disgrace”, i’m translating for the goys
our lifelines have been parallel like corduroys
but now, we’ll see whose bars will prevail
in this beef of two hard-as-nails shebrews from scarsdale

[audra]
we’ve got a conflict of interest

[rebecca]
i’m about to give levine the business

[audra]
spittin’ venomous hate

[rebecca]
penetratin’ her defenses

[rebecca & audra]
it’s a j-p battle

[darryl, spoken]
a what?

[lawyers]
a jewish american princess

[audra]
rap battle

[lawyers]
daughters of privilege

[audra]
spittin’ mad flow

[lawyers]
find that term offensive?

[audra]
too bad, yo!

[rebecca & audra]
oh, snap
it’s a j-p battle rap

[rebecca]
look, academically, you could never catch me
you were close, but no match scholastically
nohow, no way
i put the “o.g.” in “5.0 g.p.a.”

[audra]
well, speaking of which, are you a.p. graded?
’cause these days you look a bit heavily weighted
and all your book crackin’ don’t make up for the fact that i’m strapped
with that k!ller instinct that you lack
sweetheart, here’s what you’re not understanding
i’m street-smart

[rebecca]
you mean, ’cause you minored in urban planning?
b-tch, i know you, that tough act’s a bluff
so sheket bevaka shut the f-ck up

[audra]
your temper, you lost it! oh, cute
like you’re going to lose this lawsuit
but here’s one category where you have no rival
blowing frat guys with your aepi-hole

[rebecca]
and i banged your hedge fund manager fiancé
back in college over winter holidays
bathroom stall at the matzo ball
and honestly, i gotta say
really not hot at all
small d-ck, rotten lay

[lawyers]
this is

[rebecca]
a j-p battle

[lawyers]
bane of my existence

[rebecca]
you’re an -ssh0l-

[audra]
from golden’s bridge

[rebecca]
to north castle

[rebecca & audra]
wipe you off the map
in this j-p battle rap

[audra]
bunch, you’re a curse, you’re a blight
we were frenemies at first spite
think your verse is tight?
then you’re tripping like birthright
i’ll wipe the mirth right off your fugly mug
and fill you full of slugs like a straight up thug

[rebecca]
uh, that word is racist, someone ought to tell you
like me, i belong to the aclu

[audra]
spare me, i’m a card-carrying member
plus, i spent a semester in kenya, remember?

[rebecca]
well, i volunteered in ghana

[audra]
well, i guess that makes us equal

[rebecca]
well, it’s settled then

[rebecca & audra]
we’re both cool with black people

[audra]
’cause we’re liberals

[rebecca]
duh, progressive as h-ll

[rebecca & audra]
though, of course, i support israel

[rebecca]
audra, wait we share so many traits
should we shake hands and erase the hate
created by our mothers pitting us against each other
for accolades and grades
we were egged on like seder plates

[audra]
nah, in summation
you left new york for this f-cking shtetl
now you’re like “oh, audra, let’s settle”
you want to get salty like the dead sea? word
but call off this suit or you’re dead, c-word

- crazy ex girlfriend cast lyrics

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