crazy ex-girlfriend cast – where’s the bathroom? lyrics
[mrs. bunch]
where’s… the… bathroom?
where’s the bathroom?
i need to use the bathroom
tell me that you have a bathroom
in this hovel you call home
i don’t know which was bumpier
the plane ride or the taxi
all these freeways are a nightmare
where’s my purse? i need my comb!
by the way, you’re looking healthy
and by “healthy” i mean “chunky”
i don’t mean that as an insult
i’m just stating it as fact
i see your eczema is back
are you using the lotion that i sent you?
if you’re not gonna use it i’ll return it to the store
god, i give you everything
and still you just want more-more-more-more-more
where’s the bathroom?
where’s the bathroom?
you haven’t told me where your bathroom is!
[rebecca, spoken]
it’s upstairs!
[mrs. bunch]
okay, fine, i need the walk
well, your house is dot-dot-dot charming
though some florals wouldn’t k!ll you
do you ever get a maid here?
it’s so nice to sit and talk
since when do you have a vendetta against vases?
when did you stop wearing makeup?
are you sure that you’re not g-y?
i’d still love you if you were g-y
it would explain this vase vendetta
please just tell me if you’re g-y!
[rebecca, spoken]
again, i am not g-y!
[mrs. bunch]
don’t interrupt me!
you’re always with the talking
i just got off a plane
give me a moment to catch my breath
it’s the least you can do since you
lived inside me for nine months
and you still haven’t told me
where
the h-ll
your stupid bathroom is
[rebecca, spoken]
again, it’s upstairs!
[mrs. bunch, spoken]
oh, right! thank you.
(sung)
you call that a bathroom?
that’s what p-sses for a bathroom?
there were no bowls of rocks
or any decorative soaps
you don’t even have a bathmat
who doesn’t have a bathmat?
if you need a bathmat i can—oh, did you hear?
a bishop in wisconsin said something anti-semitic
so the temple has decided to boycott cheddar cheese
everyone asks how you’re doing
“how is widdle becky? is she still a bigshot lawyer?”
and to that, i just say “please!”
you won’t get a husband this way
at least you have your career
oh wait, you threw out your career
to chase this california dream
i wasted all that dough on harvard and yale
for you to be living in a dump
in nowhere, usa
getting fatter by the minute
on this greasy, goyish food
just put my luggage in my room
could i get a gl-ss of water?
i’ll be back in a moment
i need to use the bathroom
again!
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