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creature feature - such horrible things lyrics

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sit back now, let me tell you a tale
where justice does not prevail
about an ill-fated life, so very full of strife
where two wrongs do not make a right

so

when i was born
i did surely scorn
my proud parents name
then their lives went down the drain
drove them insane
my birth was a curse
i bit the nurse
oh, but i love the worst

i deserve to be slowly submersed
dried out then laid in a he-rs-

when i was two
i poured super glue
into my fathers hair
as he sat unaware
in his arm chair
much to his dismay
had to cut it all away
oh, but it felt great

i deserve to be cut and filleted
then tossed about in disarray
until the pieces melt away

i am not a bad man
even though i do bad things
very bad things
such horrible things
but it’s not quite what it seems
–not quite what he seems–
not quite what i seem
ah, h-ll
it’s exactly what it seems

when i was four
i’d wait by the door
with a knife in my hand
and a most devious plan
it would be quite grand
as the mail fell through the slot
the sharp edge he got
oh, but i like the thought

i deserve to be tied in a knot
broken bones and blood clots

when i was six
i used to trick
the next door neighbors son
in the woods we would run
time for fun
hide and seek has a cost
he would be forever lost
oh, but i love to scoff

i deveserve to have my head lopped off
hidden and covered in moss
until this memory’s forgot

i am not a bad man
even though i do bad things
very bad things
such horrible things
but it’s not quite what it seems
–not quite what he seems–
not quite what i seem
ah, h-ll
it’s exactly what it seems

when i was eight
i used to hate
the color of my house
so as quite as a mouse
i burned it down
to the ground
when no one was around
oh, but i love the sound

i deserve to be quickly put down
rotting six feet underground

when i was ten
i used to pretend
to drown in the sea
till they come and rescue me
then preceed
to laugh in their face
such a disgrace
oh, but i love the taste

i deserve to have my brains displaced
all over the fireplace
until this life has been erased

i am not a bad man
even though i do bad things
very bad things
such horrible things
but it’s not quite what it seems
–not quite what he seems–
not quite what i seem
ah, h-ll
it’s exactly what it seems

when i was twelve
i used to delve
into evil schemes
just to illicit screams
boost my self esteem
pushed my sister down a well
she just fell
oh, but i love to dwell

i deserve to the roast deep down in h-ll
when no one can hear me yell

when i was fourteen

nothing much happened

well, there was that one time

i am not a bad man
even though i do bad things
very bad things
such horrible things
but it’s not quite what it seems
–not quite what he seems–
not quite what i seem
ah, h-ll
it’s exactly what it seems

when i was sixteen
life was frightening
my brother was quiet dull
so with laughter in my skull
pushed him in a hole
then buried him alive
he barely survived
oh, but i love the cries

i deserve to be battered and fried
in an electric chair that’s set on high

now that i’m eighteen
i still hate things
from this padded cell i call my home
no friends, no phone
no life to call my own

here i will lie
until the very day i die
until my blood begins to dry
and i return to the darkness from whence i came

so

i am not a bad man
even though i do bad things
very bad things
such horrible things
but it’s not quite what it seems

not quite what i seem
ah, h-ll
i’m exactly what i seem

- creature feature lyrics

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