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creekbed carter hogan - the relic song lyrics

well, this is the story of the tricks and glory of the medieval catholic church
the plague was k!llin’ and the lutherans winnin’ in the battle for souls on earth
so the pope looked around and then up and then down, an idea underneath his hat
he looked at a deacon, said, “listen here, stephen, i think we can cap+it+al+ize on that”

so some henchmen went roamin’ in the catacombs of rome and dug up all the bones of the poor
they wrapped ’em in gold, rеady to be sold, complete with lots of madе+up lore
then they got in their stirrups and rode across europe and in every town they said
“listen here pagans, if you want savin’, give your money to our holy dead”

well, it ain’t
quite the truth
but neither does it count as a masterful lie
just another money+maker
designed by rich men digging through pockets in the name of the bank of jesus christ

buy the finger of peter, you fishing net weaver, and you’ll catch more fish than you can fry
wear the girdle of magdalene on your birthing bed, your baby will not die
there are 98 vials of the foreskin of jesus and they’re yours for a limited price
just pay the church all that’s in your purse
and we’ll throw in saint lucy’s eyes

or can we
interest you in relics from the maidens of st ursula
hundreds of ’em, got so many we need to disperse ’em all
how’s about the yella braid that once adorned st agatha
here’s a st theresa, i think that it’s a scapula
don’t be scared, it don’t have to be a big dilemma
just pay to touch the severed head of cath’rine of siena
the dried blood of st jan+u+ar+i+us will turn to liquid
if you pay up with any+thing that’s gilded
here’s the tongue of anthony, ‘n it’s still wet like he’s still livin’
all 10 of clare’s fingernails, can’t ya feel the grace they’re givin’?
and a sword from when st oda cut her own dang nose off
and a relic from when mourners bit st francis’s toes off
doubting thomas stuck his finger in the bleeding wounds of jesus
now it’s yours for a buck and a bit of your fine cheeses
in my bag i’ve got some peter and st paul
o bless your heart, you need ’em, o ya gotta catch ’em all
ya gotta hand it to that pope, he sold a whole lotta hope in a time that was brutal and dire
and though hope ain’t his intent that’s the way that it went and what is hope but a kindle for fire?
who knows how the world coulda spun up and whirled if those fake holy bones had stayed dead
or how many ways of keepin’ the faith mighta colored our world instead?

oh, it ain’t
quite the truth
but neither does it count as a masterful lie
just another money+maker
designed by rich men diggin’ through pockets in the name of the bank of jesus christ
it ain’t
quite the truth
but neither does it count as a masterful lie
just another money+maker
became a way of marketing that bank of jesus christ
became a way of colonizing prayers for jesus christ
became a way of honoring that g+y ole boy jesus christ
amen

- creekbed carter hogan lyrics

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