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crickettheguy - red mage lyrics

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i cast the spell of fireball
and burnt my stupid eyebrows off
and left myself with only nine hp
and i tried to heal the damage done but got my wand stuck in the mud
my strength [?]

i’m an expert on so many little things
and i have got so many useless sk!ll proficiencies
the fighter, and the wizard, and the cleric go make fun behind my back as charisma’s my highest stat

i’m a red mage in a way that’s fun
[?] master of none, aside from those who don’t know anything
and i lose my passion so quickly
and things that i thought interest me
it’s hard to evеn put it in writing

i’ll feed you poison, but not enough to k!ll you
and then i’ll heal you, but not еnough to save you
and then i’ll hurt you, but not enough to make you leave
oh i can’t even f+ck up explosively

i tried to fill the holes we got, be adept if [?]
it turns out that there’s not a lot to fix
i think i’m finally realizing the world would still work without me
i’m just an overrated bag of tricks
so i’ll train the sk!lls i think are neat
my nature, cooking, lock picking
my plus+one filling every single box

so i can’t banish a demon lord or facedown 15 thousand orgs
but i can open any standard lock
now the dragon’s started crawling out it’s lair
and i’ve only got my pyromancy spells prepared
my sword play’s underleveled and i’ve fallen to my knees
i don’t have a sk!ll but i still go the cheese
and i’ll save the world ‘cause it’s fate lies with me

slaying monsters is my passion
so i’ll use my bonus action
poison+coat my jagged knife
as i quickly extinguish your stupid life

i’ll feed you poison, but not enough to k!ll you
and when i heal you, it’s not enough to save you
and if i hurt you it’s not enough to make you bleed
oh i can’t even f+ck up explosively
i said i can’t even f+ck up explosively

- crickettheguy lyrics

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