cyanide and happiness - railroad man lyrics
i wanna share a tale with you about the ‘merican dream
when all the railroads ran on time and our nation ran on steam
behind the tracks and railroad tyres, a hero took command
of connecting every town, he was called… the railroad man! (the railroad man!)
the railroad man… can you take me to san fran?
can you take me down to tennessee across the rio grande?
can you take me up mt everest and into disneyland?
can you get me there on time, oh can you do it? railroad man! (railroad man! railroad man!)
they called him that because he built the railroads and was male;
and they called ’em railroads ’cause they were like roads except with rails
his eyes they say were made of coal, his toes were railroad spikes;
his trains had seven stars on yelp and a billion facebook likes
he made all of the track you see, hooked up the usa;
and he could have kept on going if not for that fateful day
these two weird fellas came to town and invented human flight;
they called their ship an “aeroplane” and themselves… the brothers wright! (the brothers wright!)
they said
“our planes can transfer man without the need for rail;
your industry is dying and your dreams’ going to fail!
so pull up your slacks and pack your tracks and get on out of town;
we don’t need steam or steel beams to get ourselves around.”
“two wrights don’t make a right, and dang if that ain’t wrong!
hey that lyric ain’t half-bad, i hope it ends up in a song
if god intended man to fly, we’d be born in a flock;
those wright brothers and their flight machine can go and suck a c-ck!
those wright brothers can sniff my biff, they can give my -ss a smell;
they can l!ck my shaft, from four to half, and their plane can burn in h-ll.”
the wright brothers they challenged him; they said, “you think you’re great?
can your steam trains do a loop-de-loop without losing their freight?
and if you do it we’ll leave town and we won’t ever come back;
but if you fail you can take your rail and shove it up your crack!”
“naww, the h-ll with you wright brothers, the sky’s for birds!”
“and the ground’s for t-rds, and you sir are the latter word.”
railroad man! can you rise to their demand?
can your trains do a loop-de-loop, can they do it all on land?
wilbur’s talking smack about your track, orville’s railing on your rails;
can you beat their -ss with steam and br-ss, and even steel and nails? the railroad man
the railroad man he spent a month looping up his track
then he gathered up the townsfolk and he told’em to stand back
the train had started chugging, and the loop-de-loop drew near
the train it was america, its freight our hopes and fears
everyone watched in silence, you could hear a needle drop;
the train it went straight up the loop and right on to the top…
the railroad man was finished, he knew he’d had his run
the airplane beat him fair and square, and the railroad days were done
but before he died he wrote a note for anyone that flies;
he wrote it all in railroad, so he could read it from the sky
so take a look there down below, written in the land
you’ll see the final dying words of… the railroad [am] man! (the railroad man!) the railroad man! (the railroad man!) the railroad man!
d-mn you wright brothers!
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