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dan bull - the arch-illager rap lyrics

[verse 1: dan bull]
i was born into a cruel and unforgiving nasty world
that didn’t want me
they rejected, disrespected, scorned, and shunned me
cold and hungry, all i wanted was some company
to be comfy, but to put it bluntly, they were being
a bunch of considerably rude neighbors, so i gave up
then i stumbled on a bl++dy massive cave, look
the doorway yawned awake slowly, i wasn’t brave normally
but a strange force was calling me
and so with a flaming torch in hand, i made my way forward
though those serrated corners on the boulders made it awkward
i gazеd on in awe, following a short reconnaissance
i saw what lay bеfore me, it was called the orb of dominance
it held sway over my thoughts, i gained confidence
’til at once the commoners, no longer had my tolerance
[chorus: dan bull]
i am a small illager, the littlest around
but now, i’ve got a small feeling i’m going to be well+endowed
i am a small illager, my will, it stands proud
growing ’til i fit the throne, so hand me the crown
[verse 2: dan bull]
now bow down, show me the top of your head
hey, i said bow down! else, i’ll be dropping you dead!
i am the arch+illager, and i will pillage your village until you
give in, so run you can’t win if you stand in my path, you’ll get trampled like grass
i see you haven’t any heating, i can provide that
no need to thank me, here’s a torch, completely free of charge!
i’ll leave your family tree scorched, slashed with lethal steel shards!
oh, i see you’re planning a resistance? if you’re going to lead the charge, be advised, objects in your rear view appear large!
your mistake was thinking this a safe sp+ce for your opinions
’til my minions chased you straight away from my dominion!
so make haste, spread my covenant all across the kingdom
i’m your new government, coming for more than just your income!
you can try assembling a rebellion of adventurers
it’s never going to bother me, my friend, so don’t pretend it does
[chorus: dan bull]
i’m the arch+illager
now, come on down!
down into my dungeon, have a look around!
i am the arch+illager
living in a cave and having a party
while keeping villagers enslaved!
[verse 3: dan bull]
now, come on down, down, come on, quicker, chop+chop!
come on down, down some hard liquor!
i am the arch+illager, handle my business
now everybody give a big hand to our visitors!
look at you and your gang, you couldn’t be more villainous!
forcing my hand, you’re going to be all prisoners!
no forgiveness, i’m sending in my skeletons in regiments
defending us against your weapons with a vengeance!
repelling your torches, enemy forces, making me nauseous!
better be cautious or you’ll be left on the edge of a tall cliff, awkward…
better restore quick then come down into the dungeon
where the smell is rather pungent
can’t tell if it’s your bunions, or you’ve been cutting some onions
[chorus: dan bull]
i’m the arch+illager
thank you for coming down, now, make yourself comfortable
have a look around!
i am the arch+illager
catching you unawares, if you come in unprepared
here’s someone you haven’t met!
[verse 4: dan bull]
so glad you came down, down, summoned to my lair
there now, what’s the matter, chuck?
you look a little scared!
i am the arch+illager and i warned you that if you didn’t give up
then, i’d have to confiscate your head!

- dan bull lyrics

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