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daniel feldman - first year lyrics

[intro]
i just shed a tear for my first year
left a taste more bitter than my first beer
lotta doubts, lotta fears about doing this
but better this than to spill it to my therapist (aye)

f+ck man
i’m not sure about this
guess you’re right

[verse 1]
i just shed a tear for my first year
i don’t really know what i’m doing here
i’m at a school that so many people covet
it’s why they’re so surprised when i tell them i don’t love it
i don’t hate it; i just don’t feel elated
when everyone’s succeeding and i can’t even get the bacon
i’m not playing, 5 job interviews
5 people saying that they’re not into you
man it hurts, speaking of pain
my heart’s been through too much i’ve been trying to refrain
but i’m tempted, used to ask my friends, shall i attempt it?
i was so awkward i don’t know what i expected
and now this girl be using vsco to send me cryptic messages
please tell me for whom these pictures are intended?
i’m thinking shoot my shot but this really ain’t my element
these choices need wisdom; all i got is intelligence
all i got is intelligence, all i got is i
[verse 2]
may not even have that though
my momma said impossible
to keep this up son
this is just the introduction (introduction)
lucky for me lowered my standards (down)
a to c like auston matthews
a to c like john tavares
hate to see someone so careless
know i had to switch up the flow (aye, aye)
always dynamic never static yeah you know (yeah you know)
i’m not worried ‘bout the exes or the owes (nope)
i’m just tryna stay in shape from my head to my toes (aye, aye)
my shoulders looking quite pin
sorry can’t hang gotta get in the gym
god forbid miss a day man it’s getting too late
what you mean, it’s not even eight
i am sorry again but the gym’s closed at ten

[verse 3]
and my commute takes two hours (what?), it’s really not that long
but it feels like two hours, and it’s hard to come to terms with the fact
that you spend more time on the bus
than with any given person man i know it sounds sus
cause i’ve met a bunch of people
and i really would like to eat my lunch with other people
get to know a couple people
h+ll who knows what could happen once you spend some time with people
but i cannot wait around for you our schedules are not equal
and it’s so much easier to just be on my own
although i’m comfortable i’m scared imma end up like meursault
my family worries too; tell ‘em that i don’t have the time
how can i find my people they already have their slime
(already have their slime, they already have their slime)
[verse 4]
but how can i worry ‘bout this when my motherf+cking
bus just came late, it’s sealing my fate
first week of class, already walk of shame
and i just lost an airpod, one single airpod
i’m a good person you’re going to make me sob
now i just spilt my jamjar, bathroom in vanier
this is way too far can you give me a break
they say it gets better but you know i don’t believe it
yeah sparks may be flying but for all the wrong reasons
cause all i’m doing is crashing, get home and feel like collapsing
i’m tired as h+ll but still can’t sleep everything feels so backwards

[verse 5: daniel feldman & daniel frydman]
d+mn i should’ve lived on res, is it too soon for retrospection?
dropped the ball like i was dez, none of this sh+t was my projection
i just feel this disconnection, i don’t understand this question
godd+mn it i hate this section, tell me how are you not stressing
yeah dunno i just been chilling, this so far has been a blessing
just came second in a case comm 101 has been so splendid
math and all has been so calm, can you believe some people fail it?
how did you do on the midterm? one mark over forty+seven
how do you know your specialization
how do you have so many connections
how are you apart of so many clubs
it is unfair you’re in every selection
tell me why you are networking at every possible moment and i feel dejected
i don’t feel like mentioning the name of my faculty when people ask me what i study
if somebody stereotypes me as a serpent i might f+ck around and just go crazy
why are they raising the tuition rates again know you don’t care go ride in your mercedes
i just want the gravy like bbno$
wish i had the courage to speak to the ladies
my life ain’t too crazy, no actor would play me
my life ain’t too crazy, no actor would
everything is scheduled, ain’t nothing spontaneous
most of the time just end up feeling envious
or better yet end up resenting everyone
or everything cause i’m not getting what i want
how can you flex your diversity when your first year committee is one ethnicity
don’t want to join your fraternity i am sorry i just don’t rock with the toxicity
how have i had so much adversity when i’m supposed to enjoy this d+mn university
how have i had so much adversity when i haven’t showed anything but authenticity
get that camera out of my face
i’m not sure i belong in this place
maybe this was all one big mistake
i should ask for a refund and call it a day
but how could something even worse than this await
d+mn i really hate how i still believe in fate
some would say it’s a trait tell me what’s my heart rate
told this to a classmate afraid it won’t translate
i’m not even awake but you gotta get woke
ain’t a lot of things that i’m too sure of no more
but i know i just shed a tear for my first year
case closed, oh
[transition]
ayo bro
ayo wake up
yo what’s + what’s going on?
dude, i think you were having a nightmare

[verse 6]
been reflecting for a while on all kinds of things
started with a blank canvas now it’s splattered with paint
despite all that i said i still wouldn’t have it erased
i think a lot of my anger has been rather misplaced
when i been trying so hard to get my foot in the door
but all i seem to be getting is the door in my face
it’s hard to accept that your interview just went really poor
even harder to accept you just don’t got the traits
but hey, it is what it is
you asked me ‘bout my grades i said they are what they are
i was kinda cappin’ actually worked very hard
so of course say i don’t care when they are not up to par
but the biggest bogey of all wasn’t even all that bad
could’ve done a whole lot worse than a d+mn, c+ at math
i think i was too hard on myself i should loosen up
especially cause spring report card looks more like abba
better go tell my aba, and ima, cause there’s no way
i’d be here, at the end of the day, i just want to make ‘em proud
don’t have an eta but i’m on my way and so
for now, i’m not the person i wanna be
i want a love like mike and rachel, something like jake and amy
but this ain’t the life that i want to lead, so rigid, so binded
by non+binding constraints, like when to gym when to eat
is this worth preserving, just the things that i think
can’t imagine someone actually loving me

[verse 7]
woah, that just got too real
just like covid at the beginning thought it was no big deal
it’s kinda funny how much effort i put in, to avoid being pin
and as i’m writing this it’s been 5 months since i’ve seen the d+mn inside of a gym
think i was worried ‘bout the wrong six pack
sometimes i wish that i could just go back
but more than that i’m rocking no ragrets, like scotty p
no need to fret or get upset
when everyone’s having the best time of their life
just wish them well and time will tell cause you can’t tell
how people feel if someone’s fake or if they’re real
shoutout james blake so it’s ok
if you are not at the same pace as anybody else
or even running the same race as everybody else
just know yourself and be yourself and take some ls
two ls can make a w that’s why we’re not hitting pause, we’re onto the next fixture
i bought a flatscreen cause i can see the bigger picture
there might always be someone richer, always something to b+tch about
but you don’t always have to have life figured out
it’s kinda scary in a way i have it less figured out
than a year ago today but hey that’s the beauty of it
maybe real knowledge is admitting that you know nothing
maybe that’s wisdom, still not sure but i’m sure that i came out of this with something
like even though i hated all the bussing
still managed to finish with 4 80s and 6 01s that i appreciate
bars so raw they gotta marinate and now that i can see everything that’s on my plate i’m feeling grateful
and sorry for all the kids who won’t get a taste, man it’s painful
seeing everyone through a d+mn screen, it ain’t the same though
i just hope that we can come back stronger and change the narrative
our methods are not working at the moment it’s imperative

we listen to each other, and have these tough discussions
if what you’re seeing makes you uncomfortable
i’d suggest you examine yourself and all of your methods all that you stand for
all of us have an obligation to be more ethical
than the people that birthed us, the generations that came before
1 step backwards and 2 steps forward
cause it’s okay to be wrong, to learn and to grow
gotta lay the right foundation cause we’ll reap what we sow

[outro]
alright next question: how do we get the secant line?
the secant line? bro that’s so easy we need to figure out how to solve the tangent line

cause i may have shed a tear for my first year
wasn’t nearly as bad as i thought
now what’ll happen with the second is crazy unclear
guess it’s up to me to write the plot

- daniel feldman lyrics

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