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dave malloy - the dj lyrics

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dj:
we’ve locked the doors

henchmen:
we’ve locked the doors

dj:
put the firewalls up

henchmen:
put the firewalls up

dj:
no one leavin’ anytime soon

henchmen:
we’ve locked the doors

dj:
i’ve sharpened my blades

henchmen:
we’ve sharpened our blades

dj:
so get ready for a cut
henchmen:
get ready for a cut

dj:
tonight’s the night
we’re gonna play your favorite tune

tye:
what is he talking about?

dj:
i am the dj
when i say dance you dance
you read the terms

henchmen:
you read the terms

dj:
you read the conditions

henchmen:
you read the conditions

dj:
i am the dj
you never had a chance
i rigged the game
my stacks of wax
no matter your choice
it’s all the same
you’re gonna f+ck it all up
you’re gonna f+ck it all up
(several extras race toward the dj. the dj magically blasts them all.)

dj:
huzzah huzzah to these fresh teen minds

henchmen:
huzzah huzzah to these fresh teen minds

dj:
sp+nky original
s+xy deranged little minds

with your opinions, preferences
and your judgements

well don’t you think it’s time
that we put you to the test

clamp the vise along your spine
stack the bricks upon your chest
because every little thing you’ve done
has made you who you are
and now there’s nowhere left to run

this is it
that’s what you get
you tried so hard to be a star
we made you care
but in the end you’ll never please us
and the world is ticking down in self+destruct mode anyway
jaynie:
why didn’t they tell us about this in topeka!

mo:
ohhh, this must be what they meant by no survivors—

jaynie:
what?

mo:
it came up during the correspondence. “no survivors dance+a+thon.” i thought it was just sensationalist pr

dj:
i am the dj
when i say dance you dance
you read the terms

all:
we read the terms

dj:
you read the conditions

all:
we read the conditions

dj:
i am the dj
you never had a chance
i rigged the game
my stacks of wax
no matter your choice
it’s all the same
you’re gonna f+ck it all up

all:
gonna f+ck it all up

dj:
you’re gonna f+ck it all up

all:
gonna f+ck it all up

grace:
why isn’t anyone helping us? they can still see us, right?
who’s coming to save us?

janelle:
as soon as the adults find out + it’s only a matter of time before they fix this

henchmen:
this is your dystopian parable
where everything is dark and terrible

dj:
i’m afraid they’re all watching
go on and wave h+llo
your parents and your teachers
everyone you’ve ever known

they all love to see you suffer
they all love to see you squirm
you’ve always known
you’ve always known

grace:
they’re watching? how can they all be watching and not doing anything?

dj:
there’s no escape
you are done
it’s too late
you will never beat your demons
you are you
it’s too late

dj and henchmen:
there’s no escape
you are done
it’s too late
you will never beat your demons
you are you
it’s too late
(x2)

(dj hits the buzzer)

dj:
five

(led screen counts down with the dj.)

(silence where they ensemble would have echoed the dj in the countdown.)

dakota:
there’s got to be a way out

roger:
do you think we’re better off trying to escape or organizing some kind of coup?

dakota:
i don’t know + what do you think?

roger:
i don’t know + what do you think?

cyrus:
can i take your hand?

janelle:
it’s okay, i’m fine

cyrus:
i’m not
they take hands

dj:
four

(silence 4 beats.)

harper:
janelle!

(janelle puts her arm around harper.)

janelle:
i’ve got you

harper holds her back at arm’s length

dakota:
does anyone’s phone work? call for help!

dj:
three

(roger looks at his phone.)

roger:
no signal….wait, there’s an alert… “cellular service unavailable. dance+a+thon+to+the+death+zone.”

dj:
two….

(silence 4 beats.)

grace:
tye?

tye:
yeah?

grace:
are you sorry you’re here?

tye:
yeah
but i’m kinda glad you’re not here alone

dj:
one

(dj hits the buzzer. blackout.)

end of act 1

- dave malloy lyrics

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