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dave malloy - vii. solo lyrics

[karly]
hi everyone. i’m karly, addict, whatever.

so i saw my mom this weekend. she needed money, of course. anyway, she was on me about my love life again. “those men on those apps, they’re so awful, why don’t you do some community activities? your father and i met at cards night.” yeah and how did that work out mom?

she’s right about the apps though. god these f-cking guys.

(karly plays a note. lights up on ed, in a separate sp-ce; he joins her note on his pitch pipe.)

[ed]
hi. i’m ed.

(chorus enters.)

[karly]
“hey.”
“hey.”
“hey.”
“how are you?”
“u cute, dtf?”
“let’s cut this bullsh-t and just meet for a drink?”
“loved that photo of you in paris—what was your favorite restaurant when you were there?”

[ed]
i am the most miserable man that you can imagine

[karly]
“i don’t normally contact people on this, but i find you very intriguing. something about your eyes…”

[ed]
i have no friends

[karly]
d-ck pic, d-ck pic…

[ed]
i have no family
women are repulsed by me

[karly]
“pineapple on pizza is good, f-ck you.”

[ed]
i’m just another awkward
introverted
isolated
waste of sp-ce
such a failure

[karly]
“are you a 0% apr loan? because i’m having trouble understanding your terms and you aren’t showing any interest.”

yeah, that’s kinda good.

so many men in my pocket
i roll through my infinite scroll
never grows old
yes no no yes yes
left right left left right left
it’s like candy
it’s like catnip
it’s like crack
i dose
i doze
i daydream
a stairwell
a rooftop
a sunbeam

i could be so good at love
i could be so good at love

[ed]
last night
i was at the drug store
having trouble at the self-service checkout
and a woman touched my back
treid to help me
it felt like sparklers and strawberries
do other people get to feel this all the time?
whoa

i feel my body stretched between two cliffs
one side is fantasy
the other reality
i feel my fingers start to lose their grip
and i can’t hold on

[karly]
i can’t hold on

mama was a gambler
mama played the slots
watching the reels go round and round

when will i get lucky
when will i get my shot
when will those three cherries line up?
when will those three cherries line up?
when will those three cherries line up?
when will those three cherries line up?

[all]
when will those three cherries line up?
when will those three cherries line up?
when will those three cherries line up?
when will those three cherries line up?

[karly]
the arousal of uncertainty
the irresistible pull of variable schedule rewards
wading through the f-ckboy thot seeker incel catfish creepers
and stumbling soph-m-re poetry magazine rejects
i get so lonely after swiping

and of course when i actually do have s-x with someone
it’s usually like “wow, you watch a lot of p-rn.”

[ed]
so then p-rn

there is a drug
inside my head
i just have to turn it on
fall into the screen and i’m gone

and no one talks about this at all
oh, people laugh
oh, the hilarious scenarios
the pizza man, the pool guy
we laugh it away
and that’s what’s so insidious
this monster hides
subliminally corroding our lives

and i know it’s complicated
i’ve read all the articles
i’m not some prude religious conservative
i support s-x workers and s-x positivity

let me take just a moment to signal my virtue
by telling you all my p-rnography preferences

[karly]
you know i actually used to like p-rn?
i loved the ones with a story
the female directed stuff
lesbian step-sibling m-ssage
perfect european villas
good lighting and lingerie
i love it when they make love
and you’re like, oh, that, that, that, that
that is the s-x that i want

it can be so beautiful
when two performers lock eyes
and you can see
the joy and communion
the ancient divine union of s-x

we all know that’s what s-x is, right?
it’s f-cking god

but p-rn is solitaire
scentless and safe
we have sucked the sacrament out of s-x

[ed]
s-x should be a rite of p-ssage
but our kids are watching fisting p-ssing hitting pounding
and i don’t wanna shame anyone’s kink

[karly]
don’t wanna shame no one’s kink

[ed]
it’s fine if it’s consensual
but there’s a level of psychological complexity there

[karly]
psychological complexity

[ed]
that i certainly didn’t understand at 13
much less 11, or 9?

[both]
it’s catastrophic

[ed]
there is an erectile dysfunction epidemic

[karly]
erectile dysfunction

[ed]
that n-body talks about!
you know at least drug addicts and alcoholics are kind of cool,
musicians, artists, their redemption stories are honored.
someone has an aa chip, it’s like f-ck yes, good on you bro!
but p-rn? no way man!
no one f-cking honors that!

[karly]
and the p-rn dudes are always the ones
that become such sh-ts
the petty whiplash cruelty of a man-child scorned

[men]
yeah i wouldn’t have f-cked you anyway
you’re about a 5, ugly and fat with sh-t hair
a repressed and unfeminine lump
unf-ckable c-nt
you need to be gagged

[karly]
you need to be gagged.

but then it’s like if i say something,
am i pushing him somewhere darker?
radicalizing him?
like is this guy the next f-cking manifesto m-ss murderer?

so i take on that weight too.
there’s no f-cking equivalency here.

[ed]
there are these guys online
and they say
“the world is an all-encomp-ssing blackpill
that you constantly have to shove to the back corner of your mind.”
there are these guys online
and they say
“we don’t get to f-ck cuz we’re low status, introvert, ugly, awkward, outcast.
the chads and stacys of the world will never let us in.
the chads and stacys just laugh at us.”
there are these guys online
and they say
“it’s us against them. make your mark.”
and i feel the pull of that.

[karly]
i feel my body stretched between two cliffs
one side is fantasy
the other reality
i feel my fingers start to lose their grip
and i can’t hold on

[ed]
i can’t hold on
i feel my body stretched between two cliffs
one side is fantasy
the other reality
i feel my fingers start to lose their grip
and i can’t hold on

[karly]
i could be so good at love
i could be so good at love
i could be so good at love
i could be so good at love

i ask my mom, “why do you keep going back there?” every day, working the slots…she’s lost so much. but then i keep doing these things i know aren’t good for me. but where am i supposed to meet people? church?

f-ck.

~~~~~~~~

- dave malloy lyrics

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