daysormay - all i have lyrics
[chorus]
call it out
say it once
all my time, waiting on
all i have
it’s all i have
call it out
say it once
all my time, waiting on
all i have
it’s all i have
[verse 1: daysormay and daysormay + torin andrews]
scared i’ll die from this lifestyle
sleep deprived, my eyes red
too much caffeine
my emotions hostile
maybe i’ll die like my grandfather
heart jammed
face+up on the living room carpet
shed no tears
my eyes stayed dry
i still loathe myself for it
scared if i have grandkids they’ll feel the same
not from my lack of involvеment
but in the way when i was 16 i fеlt that visiting was a pain
my father’s father did not die in vain
my father’s father put his life on the line when he was younger than me
i can’t even get out of bed most days
and my biggest struggle is what i eat
i felt shallow and cold
sitting by you on the floor
i am only here because you lost your son
he was maybe two
face+down in the water
my brother’s middle name
we owe our lives to you
i was born from death
my dad was too
the answer to loss
we are cut from its cloth
i keep a reminder around my neck
so everyday i think of you
to make up for tears i did not cry
after work on september nights
i know you surround me
so i do this for you
i didn’t even say anything at the funeral
[chorus]
call it out
say it once
all my time, waiting on
all i have
it’s all i have
call it out
say it once
all my time, waiting on
all i have
it’s all i have
[verse 2]
i think i figured out how i died in my past life
flooded out the pleasure centre and half of my brain like
“who cares if i die young?”
“already used so much life”
i pray to saint max that i make it a long life
(pray to saint max i don’t join the club)
young gemini
maybe i was the twins before i met the twins
child survival
maybe i was early to split in two
i knew when i was 10
this wasn’t hormones
wasn’t regular programming
this was something alone
addictive personality so d+mning
some corner of my brain latched onto a chemical
(onto a chemical)
set my life on a course that i would hide from everybody
professional liar
and all the while
school telling me i had a reservation in h+ll
but i could cancel if i confessed what was wrong with myself
(wrong with myself)
i was eleven
confused at the concepts
went from blank slate
to sinner
to devil incarnate
then blank slate again
i was eleven
gemini divided
my blue eyes already split in two
years later
peace talking
a child and wolf in my centrifuge
i never really healed
i only postponed
built up walls around that divide
a guest in my own home
felt that maybe playing it dumb would leave me happier than doing what was right
just existed for two years
got fed up
and turned on the light
and i see red
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