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dead meat - the ballad of burt gummer lyrics

[verse 1]
gather round lil’ shriekers and you ass blasters as well
listen to my mouth snake, there’s a tale that i must tell
almost any human makes a tasty two+leg snack
but some say there’s a man who ain’t afraid to bite us back

[chorus]
gummer! gummer!

[verse 2]
if graboids have a rival, it’s a paranoid survivalist
who only trusts his woman and the looming threat of violence
we attacked his house with a big kaboom, but burt became our master
“broke into the wrong godd+mn rec room, didn’t you, you b+st+rd?”

[chorus]
gummer! gummer!
he makes his own pipe bombs to save a little money
gummer! burt gummеr!
when it comes down to it he’ll go all kamikazе
good lord, honey
[verse 3]
he got work as a mercenary down in mexico
then discovered shriekers and their heat+seeker mo
grew a slew of baby shriekers with his mres
then blew up and matte painted that oil refinery

[chorus]
gummer! gummer!
all that he needs to ensure his survival
gummer! burt gummer!
is a lar grizzly big+boar single shot bmg rifle
you smoked his ass

[verse 4]
burt headed from argentina back home to perfection
was eaten by a graboid, then got reborn by c+section
met the demon fliers that no dragon could surpass
last name blaster, first name ass

[chorus]
gummer! gummer!
he hasn’t made a friend with any bureaucrats yet
gummer! burt gummer!
the only man to keep a graboid as a pet
d+mn right i am
[bridge]
gummer!
his great+grandpa was a carpet+bagging, bicycle+riding, gingerbread+eating, violence+hating dandy
but the graboids struck his silver mine and hiram grew a gummery spine
and he showed that he knows how to get his man on
then he missed with a cannon
you said to pick something i was comfortable with
i did say that

[verse 5]
burt went to south africa where ‘boids were eatin’ folks
but their deaths weren’t as painful as those pee+pee jokes
the queen b+tch and her detachable tongues were quite frightening
but he shot them from a chopper and then friend them up with lightning

[chorus]
gummer! gummer!
he hooked up with a deadhead once some forty years ago (boom!)
gummer! burt gummer!
suddenly he’s got family ties of his own
hey, i think we’re vibin’ right now, right pops?
pops…

[verse 6]
kind of like the last time, but instead of africa
burt tried to swap sand for snow to fight in canada
k!lled more of our ancestors and got some tax relief
this time we could see for sure that burt wasn’t properly briefed
[chorus]
gummer! gummer!
he’ll even fight with venom in his blood when duty calls
gummer! burt gummer!
his b+lls are in the guinness book of b+lls
what?
gross, huh?

[verse 7]
on dark island, a bell is tolled
and many muskets have gone cold
he’s faced his final creature
burt flipped the bird and showed his steel
he gave the queen her favorite meal
but he had one last thing to teach her

[chorus]
gummer! gummer!
oh yeah, there’s also a tv show we never did see
gummer! burt gummer!
but we heard ya finally got to visit bixby (bixby!)

[verse 8]
so rest easy, little dragons, in your beds made of dirt
you’ll have no more trouble from the gummer that was burt
but as you lay you down to sleep, i have one final thought
what if he’s still out there doing what he can with what he’s+

[outro]
gummer!
a testament to the damage that a man can do with enough preparation
all he wanted was a truck full of ammunition and critical need+to+know information
to achieve (maximum penetration)
gummer!

- dead meat lyrics

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