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dead meat - the kill count song lyrics

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[puppet james]
there are rules you need to know
when you want to count k!lls up

[zoran]
yes, what rules must i know

[puppet james]
i’d tell you if you’d shut the f+ck up
rule 1 concerns animals
like if you should count bambi’s mommy

[zoran]
yes, her death made my heart sad

[puppet james]
too bad! cause she wasn’t humany
we only count humanoids
not animals or creatures

[zoran]
but didn’t you count bruce the shark?

[puppet james]
that was mostly a joke, not standard procedure
[zoran, spoken]
but wait, puppet james. didn’t you just count a b+tterfly a few minutes ago? in this very episode!

[puppet james, spoken]
yup

[zoran]
well, doesn’t that break your own rules?

[puppet james, spoken]
these rules are for regular episodes. this one is f+ckin’ weird!

[puppet james]
rule 2 deals with infections
viruses and becoming zombies

[zoran]
oh yeah, we count them twice, right?

[puppet james]
only if we saw them die previously
which brings us to rule number 3

[zoran]
i gotta pee
[puppet james]
we don’t count unseen backstory deaths
it’s gotta be characters we know!

[zoran]
get out of here!

[puppet james]
from a flashback or someone we’ve already met
when there’s a whole room of k!lls
that make you scream

[zoran]
oh my gosh!

[puppet james]
the simplest way to count them
is to put that work all on josh

[josh, spoken]
oh come on, even in the song?

[puppet james]
one last rule for now

[zoran]
thank god
[puppet james]
and this one’s very important to me
no skin, no soul, no service!
never ever count a b+st+rd skellie!

[puppet james, spoken]
b+st+rd skellies
b+st+rd skellies
b+st+rd skellies!

[puppet james]
them’s the k!ll countin’ rules
but don’t feel too encumbered
just make sure you always finish
by saying let’s get to the numbers

- dead meat lyrics

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