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deadpan - dialed out lyrics

[verse 1]
so used to fighting back tears, i cherish the moment that i put my fists and my guard down
welcoming visions of death, and chill with regret in intimate large crowds
but, a smile’s just an aberration
an alternate history still impending, waiting
for unrelenting waves of poorly+rendered sameness ‘til it changes
accessorizing with a vial full of time
hugging my neck tight, bounces with a thunderous blood pump
bad sign, but it floats freely in a sea with the scent of thyme
anchored roughly in place by my sand skin that matches the knot in the twine
thousands of fears tapdancing all over my spine
beats my nervous system out of line
‘cause even the gaze of my loved ones is a huge ass threat
chest clenched and my face is melting away in a hue past dead red

[chorus]
losing connection with you for what i don’t say
cloud below me is stone gray
fighting through quiet mornings for the whole day
losing connection with you and running the wrong way
not welcoming long stays
fighting through childhood tapes, the way that we talk changed

[verse 2]
records spinning to chiptune sounds of war
two channels at once distract me from the thought that i can’t take it anymore
stranded in this bedroom, no doors
and none are welcome, seldom crawling up rungs
held in the custody of loved ones pelting
near truths ‘til they set in
tedious years since i remembered a dream
breezing through menial tears, meaningless weeks
wake up excited to go to sleep
delivering fiery pleas at the gates of unconsciousness
yet again, rejected, take my self+image out and hollow it
that leaves you with a broken frame of mind
shattered remnants drenched by glassy eyes
it’s past revival, save your blatant lies, tricks, and patient time
still evading pushing daisies through the painful light
staying sane by praying for these ever+draining rainy nights
[chorus]
losing connection with you for what i don’t say
cloud below me is stone gray
fighting through quiet mornings for the whole day
losing connection with you and running the wrong way
not welcoming long stays
fighting through childhood tapes, the way that we talk changed

- deadpan lyrics

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