derogated-d - thoughts lyrics
[verse 1]
it’s time to get this road on the track
i let it go before, but now i’m ropin’ it back
and this might just be an emotional track
but i gotta let you know and open the latch
there’s too much on my mind to keep it bottled inside now
i’ve cried away the tears, they’ve already dried out
it’s time to let go of everything i’ve cried ’bout
but before that, listen to the words from my mouth
this apology is overdue, by so very long
i’ve done so much bad, and i owe you this song
i’m writing you this track, to show you i’m strong
i hurt a lot of people and i know it was wrong
i caused a lot of sh-t and i denied that i did
i pretended i knew nothing, i lied and i hid
i was in a lot of pain but i’d hide and i’d grin
feel my sorry through the rhymes that i spit
it’s painful for me to get this message across
but i need to patch up the hole in the wreckage i’ve caused
see growing up i had trouble being a good person
i had a good heart, but n0body to converse with
i was never treated right by many people at all
and “friend” wasn’t a word i had any people to call
growing up i always felt so twisted and voiceless
and i’d try so hard to ignore the whispering voices
it didn’t take a g*nius to know that i was different
i was curse to live a life where n0body would listen
but that’s where i was wrong, i had people who loved me
but i shoved them away, i didn’t have it in me to be trusting
if there’s one thing i could change about the way that i was then
it’s that i wish i could have taken back the worry i caused them
cause everyday ray was out of his mind, and talking without thought
and always ignoring everything that every one of my teachers had taught
i took that first hit at 16, and ever since i’ve been a growing addict
everyday chasing a new high, and a new way to find a new ride, always at it
started chasing a way out more than i did my own dreams
see i’ve been silent inside lately, most powerful screams
spitting bars and poppin bars, i’m acting hard, strong, yet independant
n0body’s ever been there with an arm reached out, so i gained my own independance
climbing my way to the top, but always pop off, and follow up
they say ray, you’re depressed as f-ck, you’re hollow, yup
i’ll never forget that you promised not to let me drown
now i’m necking these bottles until i can’t stand, a man down
i’m always running away from someone or something, but i’ve never gotten anywhere
running from the child protection services, so many times they’ve tried to place us in child-care
so many times i’ve held in tears, only to eventually succ-mb and break-down
lately i’ve been happier, so i guess really you could say i’m great now
today i lost another light in my life, i only got two left, i’ma hold em real tight
life’s unfair and it’s sh-t, i ain’t got n0body to help me out of this pit
oh, how i wish i could turn back time, back when i could call happiness something of mine
but depression has caved in, i’m trapped, screaming, save him, he’s following the light
i’m trying to hold my life together, but i’m starting to crack under the pressure
it’s all just too much to handle, it’s like holding your hand over a lit candle
if it wasn’t for rap, i have no idea where i’d be, probably in purgatory waiting for my soul to be released
so a m-ssive thank-you to this music, that gave me the tools and i used them
to undrown myself from these problems useless, i used to drink booze, i’m addicted to smoke, abuse it
now i just focus on the lyrics of these songs, only thing to get me through, but lost all hope
momma didn’t raise a quitter, that 12 year old boy standing at homeplate
and hitting homeruns, chasing those bases, to chasing a cl-ssmate
learning life lessons like having love and being hate
or being addicted to the pipe, a high everyday
f-cked off the resin, i know it’s bad for my health, but i can’t wait
but it’s hard to achieve dreams when you got anxiety, depression & a.d.d. to top it
you desserted me, and that was the worst topping
and to top it off, like this gl-ss full of jack
is that i know you don’t want me, but i’m hoping you come back
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