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don white (folk) - charlie and maureen lyrics

[verse 1]
maureen, great god almighty, maureen
she has been drinking sombreros all night
she has been staring at john
who is perhaps half her age
maybe fifteen years ago
even though she wasn’t beautiful
she might’ve had a slim chance at him anyway
the chance is substantially slimmer today

[verse 2]
charlie is giving her the eye
she recalls his first wife
and their reception at the old legion hall
and he was muscular back then
what happens to mid+age men?
the muscles in their chest seem to fall
now he looks like he swallowed a basketball

[verse 3]
she says, “you know something, charlie
if you lost about forty pounds
and worked out sometimes at the gym
and if you bought some new clothes to wear
once in a while combed your hair
shaved those whiskers off your chin—
i’m trying to picture you now, charlie
and it’s something of a challenge, so gimme a minute—
i think you’d still be ugly as sin”
[verse 4]
he says, “give me a break, maureen
you ain’t no beauty queen
no matter how much rouge you put on”
she knows he would rather be taking home sarah
he knows she’d rather go home with john—
dream on mid+age divorcees, dream on

[chorus]
and charlie and maureen aren’t the king and the queen
they’re just grabbin’ whatever they can
when they get it on she imagines he’s john
he imagines she’s sarah mcmadd
it ain’t love, but h+ll, it ain’t so bad

[verse 5]
he says, “hey, you wanna hear a funny one
soon your daughter will be twenty+one
and drinkin’ down here with her mom
and i wanna see the look on your face
when she comes up to you one day and says
’i’m movin’ in with a man in the mornin’—
it’s that cute guy down the bar who’s named john'”

[verse 6]
she says, “have you heard that age+old line
‘they all look good at closin’ time
’cause you’re drunk and your options are few’
i have had twelve drinks give or take a few
it is last call now, ten ’til two
and charlie, i am looking at you—
and i don’t think that old line is true”
[chorus]
charlie and maureen aren’t the king and the queen
they’re just grabbin’ whatever they can
when they get it on she imagines he’s john
he imagines she’s sarah mcmadd
it ain’t love, but h+ll, it ain’t so bad

[interlude]
now, ladies and gentlemen
at this point in charlie and maureen’s enchanted evening, as it were
charlie’s had fourteen budweisers and three of those
remarkably illuminating shots of peppermint schnapps
and he’s becoming profound and philosophical
and he looks over to maureen
with this look of impending nirvana in his eye, um
as if he’s experiencing some kind of spiritual illumination
satori in barroom, if you will
and he says, “excuse me, maureen”

[verse 7]
“i just had this strange thought
i think you and i are like the red sox—
we’re always tryin’ to catch up from behind
or we score big in the first inning
and through the whole game we’re winnin’
then we give up the grand slam in the ninth—
i think we’re the best fifth+place team of all time”
[verse 8]
she says, “that’s brilliant, it’s philosophical
lord, i need another sombrero
here’s the keys, please warm up the pinto”
and it’s a story without a miracle
the ending is predictable
the drunk juliet, the fat romeo
they’re not exactly inspiring, but at least they’re not alone

[outro]
thank you very much

- don white folk lyrics

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