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doug anthony allstars - funk you lyrics

i don’t know much about art but i can tell you this
duchamp’s urinal is a piece of p-ss
van gogh cut off his ear to spite his face (so what?)
me, i’ve got a message for the whole human race
i want to be a phallic symbol like the tower of pisa
and wipe the smile off the face of that b-tch, the mona lisa
i’ll date botticelli’s venus, just to tease her
but unless you’re hung like a jackson pollock
you couldn’t please her

funk you and funk your mother
funk your sister, funk your aunty
and funk your little brother
when you’ve learnt how to funk one another
don’t need that groovy thing on the shelf
go home to the one you love and
funk yourself

as galileo said, hey! “and yet it moves”
while oppenheimer splits the atom
and newton finds the groove
but me, i agree with einstein
who put it so much simpler
i want it to end as it began
with one big bang, not a whimper

funk you, funk quantum physics
when you’ve proved that theory’s wrong
you can go and funk the cynics
take a proton pill as you b-tt-funk their gimmicks
you’re e equals m c square (that’s your life)
well funk your buddy and
funk your wife

s-xual psychology fascinates me more than art or science
i’ve attempted intercourse with every household appliance
(not the breville mixmaster!)
a girl came to my clinic, i guess you’d call her a client
she wouldn’t touch my pinkies which i found so defiant
i said, “my psycho-n-lyst is gonna love you
’cause you look just like my sister”
she said “but i’ve got no arms
and armless girls cannot play twister”
she tried to take my pants off with her teeth
but her stiff upper lip got caught in the metal zip

funk you and funk your mother
funk your sister, funk your aunty
and funk your little brother
when you’ve learned how to funk one another
don’t need that groovy thing on the shelf
go home to the one you love and
home to the one you love and
home to the one you love and
funk yourself

[tim spoken: and now, in this historic sweetness and light show the very first joke the doug anthony allstars ever did…]

[paul spoken: cl-ssic material]

[tim spoken: …on the streets of belfast, 1942. do you wake up in the morning feeling sleepy and grumpy? you must be snow white. out now on video]

- doug anthony allstars lyrics

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