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doug anthony allstars - moral dilemmas lyrics

[paul spoken: look at you all out there, clapping and cheering. clapping and cheering, there. you disgust me. a bit of a trap for you people, that one. to find the moral att-tude of the group. you’ve let yourselves down. clapping and cheering there for a song which is essentially about b-st–lity]

[richard spoken: oh, um, for that young man down there. b-st–lity, that’s when mummy and daddy and spot are loving each other very much, a—]

[paul spoken: settle down, now. shut the f-ck up, lady! get your hand away from your face, you don’t know where it’s been. sto—. get some ventolin to that f-ckin’ woman there, look at her. settle down, please. the rest of you stop lookin’ at her, she’s a freak. get your hands away from your face! settle down, the lot of you]

[richard spoken: come on! eyes this way please! everyone watching— i said, everyone watching please! that’s enough from those giggling gerties there. i’ve got my eye on you, don’t have to look at you. come on. i don’t wanna have to tell you people again. okay, there all yours, paul]

[paul spoken: it’s a f-ckin’ gift you have, isn’t it?]

[tim spoken: i haven’t seen anything like it since… rick astley]

[paul spoken: alright, settle down. now i’m going to ask you people a series of moral questions. i think they’re much needed tonight! now, these are moral dilemmas. i want you to answer these questions as honestly as you possibly can, okay? don’t shout the answers back at us, just answer them in your own minds, in your own hearts, but most importantly: in your own time. okay? we’ll collect all the answers, we’ll try and find some moral meaning for the group, and we can try and pitch the rest of the show at that moral level. okay, so it’s very important that you are honest tonight. here’s the first moral dilemma:

“you’re walking along a country road. it’s a beautiful spring day. as you walk along you notice that, up ahead in the distance lying in the middle of the road in the dirt, there’s a tiny baby sparrow. both its wings are broken. you have… a hammer.”

okay, just be honest with yourselves, there. here’s the second moral dilemma:

“you’re a medical student in your final year of study. it’s a very, very important year for you. because of the economic climate you’ve been forced to live with your grandmother. she’s a tattoo artist… with parkinson’s disease. every time she makes you a cup of coffee she shakes so much it froths up the milk on top. something you can’t f-ckin’ stand. you have… a hammer.”

and here’s the third, and final moral dilemma of this evening:

“you’re a young and upwardly mobile merchant banker. your girlfriend has just fallen pregnant. you think that a child, at this point in your career could be detrimental—”

in your own time people!

“could be detrimental to your future career prospects. you have… a coathanger.”

settle down!]

[tim spoken: oi!]

[paul spoken: come on!]

- doug anthony allstars lyrics

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