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doyly carte opera company - if you give me your attention lyrics

if you give me your attention, i will tell you what i
am:
i’m a genuine philanthropist – all other kinds are
sham.
each little fault of temper and each social defect
in my erring fellow-creatures, i endeavour to correct.
to all their little weaknesses i open people’s eyes;
and little plans to snub the self-sufficient i devise;
i love my fellow creatures – i do all the good i can –
yet ev’rybody says i’m such a disagreeable man!
and i can’t think why!

to compliments inflated i’ve a withering reply;
and vanity i always do my best to mortify;
a charitable action i can skillfully dissect;
and interested motives i’m delighted to detect;
i know ev’rybody’s income and what ev’rybody earns;
and i carefully compare it with the income-tax returns;
but to benefit humanity however much i plan,
yet ev’rybody says i’m such a disagreeable man!
and i can’t think why!

i’m sure i’m no ascetic; i’m as pleasant as can be;
you’ll always find me ready with a crushing repartee,
i’ve an irritating chuckle, i’ve a celebrated sneer,
i’ve an entertaining sn-gg-r, i’ve a fascinating leer.
to ev’rybody’s prejudice i know a thing or two;
i can tell a woman’s age in half a minute – and i do.
but although i try to make myself as pleasant as i can,
yet ev’rybody says i’m such a disagreeable man!
and i can’t think why!

chorus.
he can’t think why!

gama & chorus.
i/he can’t think why!

- doyly carte opera company lyrics

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