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dr. bryant's funhouse - pearly gates lyrics

[verse 1]
standing at the pearly gates
looking at him, he can’t get in
what did he do to deserve this?
nothing like me, i had purpose
look at my surplus of good deeds
look at my surplus of service
remember the time i drove a church bus?
what do you mean it’s all worthless?
look at all that i gave to charity
look at all my [?]
never twice did i use vulgarities
let me in, cause i’m nice with sincerities
[chorus]

um, i heard his name once and+ and+ and..

uh, i said jesus christ a couple of times, swear i meant no harm

[verse 2]
i’m down another rabbit hole
and i’m looking for some spare change
what about that time i gave that homeless man
about two pennies?
no, no wait a minute, i went back
cause i, i found another quarter in my n+ts+ck
and i saw him smile and say god bless
(hehe, he’s wearing a dress)

[chorus]

um, i went door to door and passed out some chocs

uh, i went to church every sunday, and, um, i went to confession too

[verse 3]
what about the times that i drove my grandma around
and wiped her b+tt?
what about the times that i turned down
s+x from an ignorant sl+t?
what about the times that i held my tongue
and said none?
look at all the good i’ve done
c’mon, man, let’s bumrush the kingdom
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[chorus]

uh, uh, i went to the parlor today and i+ i bought some things

- dr bryants funhouse lyrics

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