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dreamwell - rue de noms (could have been better, should have been more) lyrics

it all comes back to the cold
the violent way you taught me warmth
i thought that joy was radiating from our bodies
it turns out we were just catching fire
as we accelerated to the crash

how many petals have i scattered
wondering if i am worthy of being loved?
i trimmed the stems of waxflowers
and i placed what remained in a plastic jug
i watched the water stain brown
with the failure to keep something alive
clouded by the rotting passage of time
since you drifted away

you rеsurrected something in mе
he is risen on that day
and i know i shouldn’t invest all my hope
for the future into hands i don’t control
but i believe in the beautiful things that you could mold
if you chose to be honest for a moment
or maybe i’m making you a marionette
wearing a face made of my projections
so desperate to fill this empty sp+ce in me
i eat delusions from your hands
do you think jesus christ ever wishes that he stayed in his cave?
i’m seeing clearly now that i put myself here
i chewed words into mangled intentions
and spit them back into your mouth
but you live in the cold
another body in the snow
a sorrow doomed to be retold
i owe this all to you
the fugue starts to unfold
i owe this all to you
the fugue starts to unfold

you brought me the sun
you only wanted to see how it boils a man
the more cracked my hide
the harder i tried to make you see the joy i found in the rays

i have no tongue but to speak your name
i think i’ll take the atrophy now
i’m sick of rearranging my organs
to try to better fit you inside me
i let my thawed memories slip down the drain
fixed the frame, switched the portrait
with that one perfect moment with you
if i had known you would vanish so swiftly
i would have chosen to be frozen inside of it too
and i know it’s pathetic how much of my happiness
hinges on the thought of being loved
one day all these fevered dreams will mean nothing to me
but until then i’ll be miserable just waiting for your touch
and i fear how easy things could be if i abandoned myself
but i know i’ll never see it through
in my saddest dreams i see how close i am
to the life i’d like to lead
in my saddest dreams, i am beside you

- dreamwell lyrics

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