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dubscandal battle league - mos prob vs. the calcium kid lyrics

[verse 1: mos prob]
people are saying i’m back
i’m not per se i’m just on a break from being on a break like ross and rach’
we’re those rare pups that lived beyond boxing day
god, we’ve aged
what a shame
your nipples are half nipple half nipple
bars
gosh darn you and all of the darn wirral, especially gosh darn your aunt sybil
i’ll steal her prosthetic hip so she can’t swivel
what the h+ll even is a birkenhead anyway? and what does it do?
and why did this wirral thing have to come along with it too?
jason, the wirral is a lie
like narwhals, and luxembourg
i’ll kidnap the thunderbirds just to tell ‘em to their faces their success is undeserved
yeah, you gave hpv to your mate’s tv, you’re on some next hype
you cheerfully volunteered to test+drive a s+x bike and weren’t even like ‘um, guys what’s a s+x bike?’
i’m only leading you on this wild goose chase, ‘cause i’m tryna lose weight
i ain’t even here to fight with you mate
i’m here to ask the big questions like, what is science for if it can’t solve cancer and does the past hold answers?
yeah, i’m here, all bars no banter, all class no swagger
you are, half man half coathanger
catch me on the price is right with that long+range barcode scanner
waving my favorite ‘jason is an assh0l+’ banner
it’s time for some penmanship
the hedgehog is the king of the jungle, not the lion or elephant
i starved my hungry hungry hippo for three weeks so he’s three times as competitive
now, i know, me loving animals but being perfectly happy watching hippos fight
makes me a hippo+crite
and i know none of you will get offended by that bar, but hippos might
yeah i’m a f+cking sicko right?
but yeah, ‘90s quote, netflix reference, theodore logan
gunshot noise, gunshot noise, empty threat, really cool slogan
[verse 1: the calcium kid]
we said we weren’t gonna do personals, and then you brought up my mate’s tv
i hate you like i hate my gp
when stevie wonder looks in the mirror, he sees me
i shouldn’t even battle bruv, i should just put you to sleep
bruv, i’m an animal with the hands like sooty and sweep
i’ll kick in your door with a scrabble word triple score
i’ll only strip ‘til i’m sore if kofi compensates me if i slip on the floor
i came here from where the muggers mug and the druggers drug to call you a f+cking c+nt
and light up a stogie like uncle buck
great film
you’re a tw+t in uppercase, i wrote this on a summer’s day without a cloud on the [?] stage
where flowers flock of every colored shade
and a b+tterfly landed on my pen with poison grace
so i smashed its head in ‘cause i don’t take no sh+t
i throw fists and won’t miss, while cutting jigsaw pieces that don’t fit
i bet you hope you’re old and grey before your family find out you voted may
also, go away

[verse 2: mos prob]
i’ll tell you what yeah, get out of my house
i was the ving rhames of getting picked last in gym class
i get more hoes than alan titchmarsh
think fast, or casualty won’t call you back about that bit part
your life plays out like a conveyor belt of, calcium kid bars
you even got stabbed with a golfing sign, in real life: that was a sick par
they put a hole in one, of your legs
and that was just as well
‘cause you put the ‘golf’ into, ‘go f+ck yourself’
i fired my dermatologist for being an eurgh apologist
i was tryna product+launch the first apocalypse but couldn’t get last thursday off for it
jason, get over here, help me burn the offering
‘cause you were battle rap’s way of, learning how to spell ‘b00bs’ on a calculator
i was battle rap’s way of learning how to write it down on paper
you do this for the honour and the valour
i do this for the connors and the callums
you’re like a person who’s smelly but twice as smelly
i think you’re a nice guy, and against big t you said you liked spaghetti
so i went out to buy spaghetti and got you some nice spaghetti
go easy on it, that’s an expensively priced spaghetti+ f+ck your spaghetti
you have been deprived spaghetti
32 children passed him today and laughed in his face
i’ll lock him out his car for the j+pes and park in his sp+ce
i’ll rip your guitar from its case and cover 20 spanish murder ballads with titles i can’t really say
you memorize the serial numbers that are plastered on trains and you’ve already partially paid to rent the word ‘bumbaclaat’ for the day
yeah your bars are dead, my bars are dead nice
take an extended hike on an arthur dent hype
f+ck you, ‘cause of you i’m up past my bedtime
i commit those large intense crimes that have the police keeping it confidential like, ‘haha, so anyway how’s your s+x life?’
‘90s quote, netflix reference, theodore logan
gunshot noise, gunshot noise, empty threat and then really cool slogan
[verse 2: the calcium kid]
you look like how my therapist feels about the way i live my life
i’m only here to cop some hash, if you’ll spot the cash
find me a fullback i can’t dribble past and pick a pass
middle class, chicken scratch, southern+voting, poorly spoken maury povich
yeah they all rhyme
bruv, i’m a monopoly multimillionaire
i’m clear as clint hill in the air
i brought enough drugs for everyone here
but i’m not willing to share
i just smoked a blunt so big, someone told me the planet was flat
and i’m borderline having a panic attack
what’s a red rag to a bull that’s being stabbed in the back?
i’m packing the mac in the motherf+cking back of the ac’, proverbially
you look like a f+cking banker, bruv you have no creditability to detract from
you’d look less like a robbing b+st+rd, if you put a f+cking ski mask on
also, why do dinosaurs have short arms? shut up

[verse 3: mos prob]
quiet down, i have important things to say
seeing as you’ve decided to go in on the intimate details of my life, um
last battle, i did more miscalculated flips than you’ve been framed!
i thought i was being clever, huge mistake
so, reb+ttals aren’t something i’m gonna do today
psyche, you said i look like a banker
well, uh, shut up you’ve got a stupid face
yeah, jason’s excellent, he’s dope at first+aid like
‘have you tried turning it on and off again, you know that works mate?’
hashtag ‘throwback thursday’
alone at birthday
see i’m sure being the council estate bukowski is great, but you’re a one+man episode of scooby doo
i will boop your snoot
you solved a rubik’s cube by, peeling off the colors and resticking ‘em where it suited you
yeah you speak scouse, i speak séance
you are what you eat and, you eat crayons
yo, hosts of the league dub scandals, where did you get this guy, rent+a+plonker?
i nearly no+showed today ‘cause, budgie the little helicopter gave me a better offer
i will kidnap your cat and, read it german nursery rhymes with the voice of dennis hopper
sh+t he’s broke
only thing calcium deposits: kidney stones
thank you for doing this sober, i’m kidding he’s stoned
even i am hencher than him, the kid needs tone
yeah, your face offends me
you find potatoes s+xy
i’m better than nfl baseball’s wayne goretzky
i’m proof that you can teach an ape to jetski
i’m just a married guy, getting out the house in case my mates forget me
‘90s quote, netflix reference, theodore logan
gunshot noise, gunshot noise, empty threat and then really cool slogan
[verse 3: the calcium kid]
this isn’t a battle, this isn’t soul versus tony d
this is just an argument, and you’re wrong
you should most probably stop in your tracks or get karate chopped with a slap that’s dropped from the top of the flats
you just copy a cat, who’s copied a cat, who copied a cat
who coincidentally copied a cat, how f+cking sloppy is that?
i will take your queen sideways with a monopoly hat
the last person i played cluedo with got shot in the back
i was raised a door+to+door fire salesman on his second+to+last match
i don’t backtrack i track back, intercepting a pass back
football bars
i’m thrice better by a square foot
i’m jimmy floyd hasselbaink on his first touch
i’m in your kitchen barefoot, with an edward scissorhands haircut, word up
i came here with 10 stepovers, and no end product
i’m only here ‘cause kofi offered me some pictures of dead monarchs
i will slap you with the same hand that led sonic, to obstacles and bled profits
i was going to punch you, but my therapist said stop it
if after this you’re done for overdosing on caps, i’m open to that
i’m not suicidal bruv, i just want some f+cking toast in the bath

- dubscandal battle league lyrics

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