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ed sanders - the iliad lyrics

oh! tough, get tall, get suave, get drunk
get smart, get hip, get hep, get p+ssed
johnny! johnny!
johnny p+ssoff

oh, johnny, johnny, johnny, johnny, why did you beat up that queer?
johnny, johnny, johnny, johnny, why did you beat up that queer?

well, i went into the trance i usually fall into when i watch the budweiser clock spin around for about two hours
i was drinkin’ d+ckel brothers’ sour mash, buddy!
when all of a sudden, my brain became sullied by images of vampires
so, i thought, i’d better get my ol’ corvette and wheel around the county courthouse a few times to clear my mind
when i thought i’d go over to mae’s cafe for some coffee and lemon pie
well, i [?] peeled down the [?]
and all of a sudden, i scarfed an eyeload on a queer
i mean, i think he looked like a queer
god, i hate queers! god, i hate ’em! hate ’em!
he had old penny loafers and a purple bellbottoms
and he had a huge protest b+tton on that said, “god is acid”
boy, that p+ssed me off!
anyway, so i… i screeched a halt and i yelled out the window and i said, uh…
“hey, f+ggot! what you doin’ in my town be?”
that son+of+a+b+tch was ignoring my existence! boy, i hate that…
so i leaked out my old corvette and i trotted over and i proceeded to kick ass on the godd+mn son+of+a+b+tch “hemorphadite”
then i walked on his face
and the sh+t is more fun than squoorshing tadpoles, haha
then i went over to mae’s cafe for some coffee
coffee, coffee
coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee…
get tough, get tall, get suave, get drunk
get smart, get hip, get hep, get p+ssed
johnny! johnny!
johnny p+ssoff

i, johnathan abner+tobias p+ssoff, in the presence of the universal god of salvation do solemnly affirm that i’ve been chosen to beat up queers. i further affirm that although i’m a decent god+fearing man with family and property, i want to k!ll, rape, ravage, plunder, pillage, stomp, devour, destroy, hack, smash, splash, flash, and bash. ha+ha!

all queers, commies, sheenies, haoles, and hunkies
all greaseb+lls, mockeys, polacks, lepers, and wetbacks
all bohunks, eggheads, fudgsicles, and high slants
all poets, megs, frogs, queers, peace+creeps, cajuns, dwarves, dipsh+ts, and teenage loose women
in the name of jesus christ, this i do affirm

oh, johnny, johnny, johnny, johnny, why did you beat up that queer?
he didn’t cry or nothin’
johnny, johnny, johnny, johnny, why did you beat up that queer?
n0body saw me do it
why did you beat up that queer?
well, he was walking up to the legion hall where the boy scouts meet. i wanted to see that
why did you beat up that queer, johnny?
well, i mean, he++ he++ he had++ he had smooth hands
i mean, he++ he looked++ he++ he tried to wink at me
i don’t know, he had on ma++ i don++ i don’t know
why did you beat up that queer?

- ed sanders lyrics

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