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ekoh - daudrie lyrics

[chorus: almost normal]
why do i feel like i’m losing all control? (control)
sounds are fading, can’t speak, where did you go? (control)
i’m screaming, can you hear me now? (now)
tell me can you hear me? (hear me)

[verse 1: ekoh]
it was a typical night, not much to do
her and her friend just hanging out in her room
and they were never the cool girls in school
someone texted them, they didn’t know what to do
said that they were just chillin’ and watching netflix
he said that we got some liquor, come and kick it
and he was older, they didn’t think for a second
he would ever wanna hang with them, especially some freshmen
but, who knows? maybe he’ll think that we’re cool
and when we go back to school, they will look at us differently, right?
she asked, she said she was down
they said “cool” and they picked ’em up around the corner
a little tipsy already, ’cause they had been drinking some vodka
that they found in the liquor cabinet earlier
they had never really drank, so needless to say
the thought of drinking too much had never occurred to her
snuck out the house then got in the car (in the car)
they said the house isn’t too far away (far away)
so they parked and then they walked a little bit
before they snuck into the window of one of the kids’ bas-m-nts
the coolest kids on the football team, and it was
five of ’em all laughing, it seemed like
everything was all good enough
poured the liquor, said, “you gotta drink outta the b-tch cup now”
she was game, didn’t wanna seem like she couldn’t hang
so she drank it all down and then she swigged the bottle
by the time she looked around and couldn’t find her friend
and thought that something wasn’t right and started feeling awful
this where it all gets hazy
she remembers being picked up and carried to a room
it all started going fuzzy, fading in and out
she came to, he’s on top of her with his friends around
“no, stop, what are you doing? quit playing!”
she couldn’t really move and she was so drunk
but she kept saying it, she kept saying it
he put his hand into her pants
she didn’t know what he was doing, she said it again
tried to push it away and she said “no”
but her eyes were barely open up and she just couldn’t move around
felt him take off her shirt and couldn’t tell
but it looked like his friend had started filmin’, too (filmin’, too)
heard the sound of his voice, breath on her neck
felt his hand push her down, and that’s it
it went black, tape cut, right there
she don’t remember anything after that

[segue]

[verse 2: ekoh]
she woke up to the sound of her mom shaking her
her front yard, 5 am in the middle of winter
said the temperature was 21 degrees
and her hair had almost been completely frozen into the concrete
still hazy when she walked back inside
she remembers that she kept on askin’ if she’s alright
then took her clothes off to put her in the bath
saw some marks on her body and that [?] she’d been attacked [?]
she couldn’t really even put words together
and the whole room was spinning, she just started cryin’ (cryin’)
the next thing she remembers, the doctor asking her questions
and even now, it’s really hard to recollect it
they said “rape”, and now the cops are showing up
asking where she was and what happened, but
still in shock, her brother had found her phone
with all the people she had texted last night in the snow
they took him into custody and made the news
small town football player had been accused of
s-xual -ssault, she didn’t know what it was called
and really felt like it was her fault (her fault)
the next day at school, she was outcast
the whole student body, they had heard about it
and she just wanted to pretend it didn’t happen
but the word of this video, it got around (got around)
they called her “sl-t”, said she was a lying b-tch
and why the f-ck would she accuse someone like him to get attention?
and even if she wasn’t lyin’, she probably wanted him
and if she didn’t she shouldn’t drink and learned her lessons
this all feels like a real bad dream, and
everybody keeps staring, it seems like
she could still feel the spots where he touched her
her life is over, how could anybody love her now?
and even adults think she’s making this up
and all the friends she did have are too afraid to speak up
pray to god that this will just go away and
she keeps countin’ the days until this court case is over
just a little validation; said she ruined his life, it’s amazing (amazing)
let these thoughts just run all day, and go to sleep now
the only way to escape it (escape it)

[segue]

[verse 3: ekoh]
she woke up to the sound of her mom screaming first
said “they let ’em all walk”, thought she was dreaming first
they were kids and now their whole life ahead of them
and not to let some little mistake and a little girl threaten it
plus the dad was a senator with connections
just boys being boys; they had all learned their lessons
couldn’t believe it, she just wanted justice
and more than that, she just wanted them to admit it
but she was disregarded and then the backlash
they had her name attached to “sl-t”, made into hashtags
open twitter, the notifications blew up
sayin’ she should k!ll herself, that she deserved it
and then, from that night and all the court dates since
couldn’t prepare her for the hurt those words did
sick of crying and being under a microscope and
having her womanhood be the topic of the conversation
half the town thinks he’s innocent
happy to get him back on the field so they can win again
turn the computer off and [?] the phone
like “what the f-ck happened to my life?”
’cause i don’t know, but, future ruined
the reputation is nothin’ and she keeps
taking all of these pills but it don’t numb it
she said “f-ck it” for the last time (last time)
maybe these people on facebook are right
grabbed the belt she found in the top drawer
then she took it to her bathroom to tie it up (tie it up)
could barely see through the tears but she kept
hearin’ people call her “liar” as she stepped on the lip of the tub
you don’t know how dark this life gets
sick of living her whole life in regret
so she took a deep breath
closed her eyes
and then she stepped (stepped)

[chorus: almost normal]
why do i feel like i’m losing all control? (control)
sounds are fading, can’t speak, where did you go?
i’m screaming, can you hear me now? (now)
tell me can you hear me? (hear me)
why do i feel like i’m losing all control? (control)
sounds are fading, can’t speak, where did you go?
i’m screaming, can you hear me now? (now)
tell me can you hear me? (hear me)

- ekoh lyrics

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