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eliza anastasio - philosopher's stone lyrics

[griffin: um… as you grab it, magnus, you hear a voice in your head go]

the philosopher’s stone (spoken):
oh dear!
i mean, predictable much+
haven’t we heard this like, four times already?
oh, maybe it’s just me…
it is in my nature to wanna change things up
give it the ol’ switcharoo, if you will
it’s my speciality
well, i know what you’re all thinking
“that?
it’s just a rock!
it’s more phosphorus than philosopher”
ha!
ah, that’s mineral humour, darling
ah boyzee
okay, let’s just get into it, shall we?
first of all

(sung)
now that we’re all here
let’s make one thing crystal clear
i may not look like much
but i’ll rock your world, my dear
you’ll have to use me first
but once you’ve got a grip
i’ll turn that frown into a smile
i’m a stone that you don’t wanna skip

okay
i hate to change the subject
halfway through the conversation
but what else would you expect from
such a pro at transm+tation?
i’m a paintbrush for your neopet
without the zany price
i switch it up, i change the game
i add a little spice
one thing into another
diamond out of mold
peppermints and pepperoni
plastic into gold
if it’s cheap, or old, or ugly
turn it into something new
i’m your fairy godmother
bibbidi bobbidi boo

(spoken)
you see what i did there?
i turned someone else’s song into my song!
pretty neat, huh?

(sung)
you can say i’m sort of pickled
but i like to keep it fresh
and i guess you learned the hard way
but it also works on flesh
turn your enemies to stone
just a glance is all it takes
you’re a modern day medusa
but your hair’s not made of
snakes!

turn your cotton into cashmere
or some gold to line your pocket
and if money is no object
you can turn it into chocolate
one thing into another
pine into bamboo
upsie into downso
bubblegum to glue
if it’s dirty, broke, or boring
turn it into something fun
you and i will make a whole new world before we’re done

[taako: you’re not a big enough boy to handle these kinds of objects, magnus]

(spoken)
oh, the cooking wizard!
well, i should’ve come to you first
you’ve got quite a history
had a little trouble in your past, hm?
not so good at transm+tation, are you?
well, listen
with me at the helm, you’ll never have to worry about making another little whoopsie again!

(sung (vocalizations))
(one thing into another)
egg white into yolk
elderberry into nightshade
pepsi into coke
(ahh)
if it’s stale, expired, or poisoned
or it’s just a little bland
all you gotta do is reach out your hand

one more key change?
sure!

one thing into another
(trousers into shorts)
(ruby into sapphires) la la la la la la
tourmaline to quartz
if it’s cheap, or old, or ugly
turn it into something new
all you gotta do (all you gotta do)
all you gotta do (all you gotta do)
all you gotta do is (all you gotta do)

[magnus: i tap it with the glutton’s fork and i swallow it
griffin: what the f+ck?]

- eliza anastasio lyrics

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