elizabeth lafavre - christmas eve lyrics
and now
for a breath
of fresh air
honesty
a time to be frank
with you
time to tell you
that my days
are numbered
terminal diagnosis
cement rain
oh, the pain
thunder and
lightening
splits my
heart in two
broken at the seams
oh, the pain
oh, the pain
most people tel me
“you still look like a starlet””
oh, the wonders
of the paint
that covers
the scars
might as well
tar and feather me
fallen so far from
where i used to be
ruby lips
and fingertips
spider lashes
bucket of rouge
heavy sweaters
to hide the thin rail
now the mask
is complete
a brilliant disguise
to hide the
ravages inside
they don’t
see the scans
or what i really look like
bald ninety+year old lady
just an imposter
waiting for my
wig to get carried
away by the wind
enjoy the daily ritual
when i whip my
wig against the wall
as soon as i walk
inside the door
my own special way
of taking back my power
of protesting my
impending demise
markers soaring
pain is roaring
life is never boring
chemicals rushing
through my blood stream
wish i were singing
a different song
another poke
another pin
to my great chagrin
put my life in a locket
good and ready
to put my mouth
in a socket instead
run like the devil
to see if i can
out fox him
no dicey
he don’t play nicey
seems to enjoy
tightening
the vice
will you
give me a
little more time?
as i wait for
my valentine
my music man
my hurricane
the one who
i adore
he has a lot of chores
doesn’t understand
that i’m
running out
of time
that i’m about
to cross the finish line
he still doesn’t know
my name
and i don’t know
how to reach him
he still doesn’t even
know that i exist
or maybe he
just doesn’t remember?
too much fame
oh, the pain
the pain!
invisible
to my soulmate
all alone
can’t even
phone home
even if its just
to tell him
that i love him
santa, please help me
send a message
to my mate
to my love
my hurricane man
too busy chatting
up a storm
catching up
on business
distracted by
the millions
who gather
all around him
they stop and stare
at him like he’s
the featured star at the zoo
but i understand it
how can you not gawk
at a walking talking
masterpiece
time marches on
he’s slipping
through my hands
don’t know how
to reach him
don’t know how
to teach him
about the
complicated
mess i’m in
how do i shake him?
how do i wake him?
when i am just a ghost
that he can’t see
can’t hear me calling him
the line is dead
just like me
don’t have any collateral
that i can offer up
what use is money
to me now
possessions just
weighing me down
all i need are the clothes
that i wear upon my back
packed my bags
addressing my bucket list
solo tours trekking
across the continents
running free and fearless
in my journeys
my last hurrah!
surprised at how easy
i can laugh and smile
doesn’t make sense
maybe i’ve finally
accepted my fate
and now as i lean on
bended knee
i thank him or her
for the sweet memories
that i have had in my life
for times that
were well spent
afternoon delights
victories galore
taste of fleeting loves
that we’re ultimately
carried off to
war with themselves
or entangled with
other doves
i realize now
there’s no way
to negotiate
for more time
the powers that be
have decided
that it’s time
for me to go
only the good
die young
just a cliche
until it happens
to you
no matter
how much
i kick and scream
i’m gonna fall off
that balance beam
oh, santa
please help me
send a message
to my music man
to my hurricane
tell him that i need him now
don’t have
time to spare
please tell him
that i need
him now
body giving way
markers soaring
taking my breath away
not in a good way
time closing in
no where to run or hide
can’t stop it now
slowly being overtaken
by the ghoulish beast
waiting in the wings
with an assault rifle
intent not just
to do damage
but to delight
in the overk!ll
a monster
that rips and roars
tears you up inside
cuts you to shreds
‘til you really want
to be dead
relentless pursuit
of anything
that gets in its way
beating me down
mercy me
mercy free
no relief
fiery dragon’s breath
accelerating
the walk of shame
the trauma
the terror
the suffering
that i might face
would like nothing
better than to disappear
without a trace
don’t want someone else
to decide when
enough is enough
i should have
that right
it is my fight
it is my life
want the peaceful pill
carry it in my purse
i want to decide
when and where and how
i want to decide
when it’s my
time to die
when i don’t
want to fight
no more
how dare they?
give me no choice
as to when i die
make me suffer
worse than a dog
at least our furry friends
have owners who
can give the gift
of releasing their
beloved from
pain and suffering
when there isn’t any
point an more
how dare they require
that i get their permission
to refuse food and water
so laughable
oh, the gall
dying is on
my agenda
no matter
how nice or kind
i may be
the monster
always wins
in the end
as i much
as i wish
it wasn’t true
have to accept it
the brutality
of having
my body
destroyed from
the inside out
sometimes i cry
just can’t help it
i don’t want to go
don’t want to
say goodbye
to the ones
i love
too painful
to bear
just shed
another tear
dear god (and santa)
take me by
the hand
be still my
trembling fingers
help me find grace
help me find strength
to fight for another day
don’t want to say amen
don’t want to disappear
like the wind
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