elizabeth whitington - blood pacts (pt. 2) lyrics
the seeds that were planted in me have failed in their mission to make me dumb again
it’s been over 30 minutes since i thought of breaking spirits
i just hope that i come back as a poltergeist so i can
see everybody move on without me
see all my past friends fall in love and get married
see as they look back at all our old texts and shrug and lay back down on the couch with somebody who loves them
poorly justified delusions that i’m wanted
save me again from my panic attacks
and then f+ck me over again
my unimportance seeps into my art
i can’t remеmber the last time i didn’t writе about my stupid dumb idiotic dysphoria and sadness!
i won’t let myself go home
nothing to lose
you say sorry, then i say sorry
and at the end of the day, we’re both too embarrassed to move
i’m glad i never had to say “don’t ever think about me”
because they haven’t acknowledged my presence since 2021 last spring!
i’m f+cking up again!!!!!!!
here i’m coming, constantinople
i am coming, constantinople
grown new lungs since the last time i was here
you kept his ghost under yr bed, inside
waking up to dry slowly in the heat of pleasant eyes
your friends, too annoyed to be f+cked with showing up to your marching band rehearsal
don’t expect a bouquet when they realize what you are
and what you’ve done to yrself
“sarah please i can’t lose you too”
i see your face in the darkness
and i tell you “i’ll be fine”
but i don’t show my legs
because they’re marked
but it’s healed, so it’s all alright
i’ll be kind to myself when myself deserves it
too vague of shoulders, too broad of topics
pick something else other than my stupid sadness
and watch me poison it anyways
“everyone’s in such a rush to k!ll themselves, but it’s gonna be me that dies!”
thanks for the kind words, mom, as always
stick to yr word, let’s do a speedrun next time!
i can’t wait for you to meet the girl who will love me
she’s sharp and made of metal and she likes to leave her mark on my once+lovely flesh
but that’s how she shows her affection!
my one true valentine, my sun soaking scarlet addiction!
(do you remember how i used to be before i turned the poison onto myself?
do you remember anything???)
this is getting too melodramatic
even for me
we have gone away
adele, my love
i will clean yr apartment floor
there’s a hospital bell that my dad never got to ring
i see his face around my old home
there’s a support group for all of the people that were unfortunately the subject of my lyrics
they now need a special medication
some vague hard+to+explain lacuna+style treatment
mick, i apologize to you
(myth, you don’t get it. i can’t be forgiven til i’m dead.)
aubree, i apologize to you
(kris, you don’t get it. i can’t be forgiven til i’m dead.)
mars, i apologize to you
(sam, you don’t get it. i can’t be forgiven til i’m dead.)
quinn, i apologize to you
(summer, you don’t get it. i can’t be forgiven til i’m dead.)
char, you know i already do
(please just forget me, just a fading memory. it’s a funny thing; everyone seems less empty when i leave.)
i hope you guys laugh together when this is all through
and remember if you need me
just stomp twice on the pavement
and i’ll come flying upwards, out of my room in satan’s bas+m+nt
(i love you, i miss you, i hate you, but you hate me too.)
i don’t want my mom to walk in
and see a gun in my mouth
and some blotches on my sleeve
i’ll go somewhere silent
somewhere where there’s violence
but it always happens off+screen
we will fade away
i love you, forward momentum, oh
disappear into sides of humans not meant to be
understand me, oh
never let me go
put yr cum under my throat
never let me go back to happiness, oh
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