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elxi - the one i don’t forgive lyrics

[intro]
still counting hours…
still chasing worth…

[verse 1]
i scrubbed the dishes, the floors, my past
worked through the night so the guilt won’t last
hung medals on shame like it earned a prize
but the mirror won’t flinch when i tell it lies

[pre+chorus]
if i keep moving, i don’t feel much
but my body stiffens when i lose touch
i’m not tired, i’m terrified
of what i’ll hear if i stay quiet inside

[chorus]
i’m the one i don’t forgive
made a cell of how i live
called it strength, but it’s disguise
filling calendars just to hide
i bury love beneath my pace
choke it out, thеn curse the sp+ce
no onе left to prove it to
just the fiction i still report to
[verse 2 ]
i praise the grind like a gospel chant
like if i do more, i’ll be less d+mned
but the tension comes back when the lights go low
and the trophies blink like a headline’s “no”

[pre+chorus]
the hardest part’s not being missed
it’s that i built all of this to not exist
and now i’m scared to sit alone
with the version i postponed

[chorus]
i’m the one i don’t forgive
told myself i shouldn’t live
like i’m someone worth the time
just distract and call it fine
i exile joy, i court regret
then punish both like unpaid debt
no one left to fool but me
still begging guilt to set me free

[bridge]
if i stop… will i shatter?
if i cry… does it matter?
if i heal… do i disappear?
if i love… who brings me near?
[final chorus]
i’m the one i need to free
but i made pain identity
i don’t want to earn love’s grace
i just want to hold its face
i won’t outrun what’s always there
but i can choose to finally care
not for them, or work, or pride
but for the boy i pushed aside

[outro]
still counting hours…
maybe now, i breathe instead

- elxi lyrics

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