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epic rap battle parodies - john marston vs niko bellic (remake) lyrics

john marston:

the name’s john marston, born and raised in blackwater
trained to give immigrant a second case of verbal slaughter
if i can take out van der line, williamson and escuela
all i need to do is point my gun, and you’ll flee back to yugoslavia
this is deal or revenge, yokel, you’re literally done
you finally get some friends, but you end up k!lling one
tell your overly attached cousin that he’ll never get t-tties
run away, nikolai, because i’m taking over liberty city

niko bellic:

now it’s this petty cowboy against me, and i need no introduction
you’re just lost and d-mned in this ballad of your destruction!
only a fool would want to battle me, i’ll win grand theft automatically
i’m richer than this b-tch, and i’ll achieve this win so practically
young and stupid is what you are, and that fact i will enfore
why the long face, “pardner”? is it cause i just ran over your horse?
i cause murder on the mic, i’ll rip you into pieces without strife!
i’ll bring havoc on your life, john, and then i’ll bang your wife!

jimmy hopkins:

oh, shut up, you guys are boring me more than my cl-sses
now let me just skip school for a bit so i can kick both of your -sses
now johnny boy, you’re just a clint eastwood wannabe
get off your high horse and see the wrath of this bully
niko may have guns but i’ll potato launch him to the moon
you can’t steal a car without it blowing up and it doesn’t need to move
it’s an endless summer of destruction as i beat you down like gary
when you drunkards came to rockstar, it upset me!
before i bike ride out, and since you’re never gonna learn
i’ll scramble you like my english cl-ss and make you my b-words

james earl cash:

this is a manhunt, without me, it’d just be a womanhunt
call me the director, cause i’m laying down the rules to you c-nts
i’ll pierce you with this toothpick if you dare to get p-ssy
this defeat will be more frightening than my encounter with piggsy
i’ll stomp john with my boots and take down niko with a punch
i’ll chop you into pieces and give the cerberus their lunch
you’ll be patrolled like the hoods, this beating is not reversible
while you’re prancing through mellow, i’ll hold the crown for controversial

max payne:

stop talking, cash, you k!ll people because your family’s gone
let me make this quick people, and then this battle will be done
my paink!llers are at full max, so you better start running
because my game is the one that helps the company with funding
i’m a cop, b-tches, and i’m putting you all under arrest
i’m an unescapable detective with access to your address
max payne is number one boys, i’m a slo-mo m–f-
after i shoot you down with this one bullet, say h-llo to my daughter rose

- epic rap battle parodies lyrics

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