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epic rap battles of history - nice peter vs epiclloyd lyrics

epic rap battles of history!
nice peter!
vs!
epiclloyd!
begin!

lloyd ahlquist:
this is one vid’ kid that you won’t ever survive
i’ll beat you, dislike you then unsubscribe
you’ll be good at rapping some day, i promise bro
but for now, just stick to editing that g-y -ss monday show
i’ll slaughter your water color unicorns, eat ’em for breakfast
then leak to youtube your middle name is alexis
i can tell you’re scared just from the body language i’m reading
you should start leaving, look, your hairline’s already retreating
nice peter? who’s that? no one gives two sh-ts
everyone knows your page is just the place that rap battles live
dude you’re really huge on youtube, you got a great career
but remember you got famous off of my idea

nice peter:
the battles were your idea to start with, that’s no lie
but i’m the one who had the brains to let a midget play the bad guys
look at you or let me just tell you what i see
you’re a short little sidekick, i’ll call you mini-me
i drew a mustache on your face and you played a mean hitler
take the mustache away, you look more like bette midler
you big tooth, chompy face, horse looking pr-ck
you and bill o’reilly can both suck my d-ck!

lloyd ahlquist:
you’re taller than i am but you look up to me
the guy who got you your first job in comedy

nice peter:
i wrote your best verses for you, let you scream on the chorus
you’ve got as much music talent as chuck f-cking norris

lloyd ahlquist:
you? a musician? eh, that’s kinda stretching
you wrote eighty-seven songs with the same chord progression

nice peter:
you look like a thumb, where’d you even come from?
it’s like i’m battle rapping a fat version of gollum

lloyd ahlquist:
i’m gonna knock you right outta your little superman socks
you were nothing before you rode up on k-ssemg’s jock

nice peter:
man, you don’t even have to say that kind of sh-t
f-ck the rap battles and you, i quit!

“k-ssem?”

lloyd ahlquist:
“oh, sh-t!”

k-ssemg:
“not only are you not gonna quit the rap battles pete
you’re gonna make them bigger, you’re gonna make them better
you’re gonna put them on their own channel”

nice peter: “i guess we could make like a second season-”
k-ssemg: “yes, exactly! and you, what’s your name? i wanna say todd?”
lloyd ahlquist: “um, lloyd”
k-ssemg: “you should start a youtube channel”
lloyd ahlquist: “i have one-”
k-ssemg: “great!”
nice peter: “but what am i supposed to put on my channel?”
k-ssemg: “how about you make music peter? you know, like you used to?”
nice peter: “okay, ow-“

- epic rap battles of history lyrics

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