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eric schwartz - aisle b lyrics

my girlfriend got sick
and she needed a few things
but she couldn’t get out of her bed
so she wrote me a list
she sent me to the drugstore
i went up to the sales girl and said
“tell me… where are the tampons and
tell me, how to heal canker sores
sell me what you take with a cramp on
’cause if she don’t stop whining
she won’t need no tampons no more…”
she said
“aisle b
that’s where you’ll find them
aisle b
near the feminine sprays”
aisle b
where they’d carefully aligned them
to make d-mn well sure
i’d be shopping for tampons for days…

so i picked up a basket, and went down and found her
anything she could squirt or insert or inject
and when i was done
i brought them up to the counter
where each item i bought was price-checked
hair pluckers, zit suckers, unstuckers for stomach unease
inner incense for a scent like a warm country breeze…
i later discovered the whole thing was a setup
they taped me from beginning to end
i shoulda known better,
this chick hasn’t let up since she found out i did her best friend
i packed up my things
with my ego eroded
i went back to live with my mom
if you don’t believe me
the mpeg’s uploaded at “guys buying tampons dot com”
aisle b the dreams aren’t stopping
aisle b, never again
aisle b, girls, do your own shopping
unless you are trying to make a mess of your men…

- eric schwartz lyrics

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