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expy - lucifer is laughing lyrics

[verse 1]
today, i went through my room, sh+t i’m h++rding is vile
found a white letter in a random ass pile
when i picked it up, a knot tight in my chest
as i read, “happy birthday, from author quest
you’ve been accepted, your submission was really the best
here you’re accepted, other writers with a love for a pen
if you just fill out this form that we sent with this note
you can come for four days and get your sk!lls to crescendo”
to anyone else, that seems awesome
but it wrecked me, i forgot i was an author
i forgot i wrote these stories i thought were the sh+t
i’m so f+ckin’ disconnected from myself as a kid
and this was 2012, not even that long of a stint
how much more f+cked up can this evidence get?
i didn’t have the cash to go, i remember i was p+ssed
i wonder what the difference is if my path had switched

[chorus]
i feel this crippling sensation
retreat from the attic to the bas+m+nt
i just wanna feel good
but i don’t know if i could
i feel a devastating blow
c+cked back, thrust through the center of my soul
i just wanna feel happy
if he’s real, i know lucifer is laughing

[verse 2]
i’m broken, open to lettin’ descent
swallow my soul whole, cerebellum fried to the neck
i just wanna leave the house without anxiety worsening
friends are only online ’cause i can’t handle in person
i can’t remember if my childhood is what it seems or just dreams
feelin’ like i’m gonna burst at the seams
i remember gettin’ dragged to f+ckin’ school as a child
crying, beggin’ mom to not take me, it’s wild
i remember fake puking to stay, it ain’t my fault
’til one day, i cried so hard, i did on the sidewalk
’cause i knew i didn’t fit in with people
i’m probably entertaining something evil
since f+ckin’ birth, i get glimpses of happiness
and long drawn out days of depression
stay with aggression, conveying a message
that claims that i’m fine, but inside, i’m a match that’s lit

- expy lyrics

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